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A Case of the Suddenlies

1/31/2017

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It is always very disconcerting for me to sit down and not have a topic ready to write about.  Honestly, 99% of the time I already know exactly where the post is going to go and I just sit down and let it flow.  This is one of those 1% times.  I have a short list that I have made of ideas I want to write about when nothing seems to come to me, but none of those seemed to gel today.  So, once again I trust God to get me where He wants me to go with all of this.  Which is what I do every time I write because I know the inspiration always comes from Him.  I am just one of those people who likes to be prepared.  But our faithful God is also a God of suddenlies and surprises.
As a Christian you learn over time to trust God.  You learn that His promises are true and that He is always faithful.  What it takes longer to learn is that His timing is not our timing.  And sometimes that can be disheartening, even discouraging.  We read in the Bible to pray according to God's will and that He will answer.  But is His answer the answer we want or is it the answer that we need?  And will the answer come immediately or will we have to wait.  So pray according to His will and then as my granddaughter used to say, "tada!" there's the solution.  Not quite and not always.
I have some prayers I have been praying for years and have yet to see the answers.  I have had prayers that were answered almost immediately.  And there have been some prayers seemed to take forever.  Prayers that I thought maybe God had forgotten about.  Prayers that had been waited on and then 'suddenly' got answered.  I remember after my husband and I had separated and the Lord brought us back together, healing our marriage and restoring our relationship.  We had wanted to move here to Prescott Valley from California where we were living and knew that the Lord had spoken to us that it would happen.  So I started packing everything up.  And we didn't move.  Unpacked our winter clothes and packed up the summer stuff.  And nothing happened.  Packed up our winter clothes and unpacked the summer clothes again.  It was almost 2 years before we got our 'suddenly'.  Jim had three job interviews lined up here, all the money came in for us to move and within two weeks we were here. 
When I had fibromyalgia I prayed for healing.  I knew that I knew that God was going to heal me.  I know I heard Him speak deep into my spirit that I would be healed.  Almost three years I suffered with the insomnia, with the joint pain, with feeling like a failure as a wife and mother because I was so out of it, with driving to town and forgetting where I was going and how to get to places that I had been to multiple times.  Every day I woke up and thought, wait, God said He was going to heal me.  I was so tired and in so much pain and discouragement set in.  I tried to keep believing but to be honest it was difficult.  I struggled to keep my eyes on the Lord and my faith in Him.  Then one weekend at our church we had a visiting evangelist.  I was singing with the praise and worship team for I think four meetings.  I again heard that still small voice tell me that I was going to be healed, that weekend.  So first meeting, sitting on the edge of my seat.  Nothing.  Second and third meetings, the same thing.  Final meeting, sitting up there on the platform after worship listening to the minister speak and I am ready to stand up and yell, here I am!!  When he suddenly turns towards me and says you have a disease, I don't know what its called, that the doctor couldn't diagnose, God is healing you.  Instant healing.  This was back in 2000 when fibromyalgia was not commonly heard of.  Again, pray, have faith, know the answer is coming and then wait, and wait and wait and then surprise! 
Of course hindsight is 20/20.  During the time waiting for the answer to prayer about our move here, we made life long friends.  We were trained in ministry and got to go on a small mission trip.  We were able to counsel other couples whose marriages had come to the point of failure.  In other words it was not time wasted.  It was time in His perfect will and of course everything went according to His plan.  When I had fibromyalgia, I learned so many things.  That He is faithful to keep us even when we are in the most pain.  He is able to touch us when we are down and depressed and ready to give up.  His love is unconditional and even when I felt like a failure and a mess He still loved me and showed me that love in a million little ways.  I again made life long friends when I was up all night not able to sleep.  That was when we were given a computer.  Again, a gift from the Lord.  I connected with some wonderful Christian ladies who listened and encouraged and laughed and cried with me.   I have a beautiful sister in the Lord in Australia that I have never personally met, but she has been a constant source of blessing to me over the years.  I have ladies in California that I have not met either, but we pray for each other as we see the needs and know we are never alone.  Sara, Ginger, and LaVonna.  Proof positive that God never leaves us forgotten or forsaken.
There is a saying that the journey is more than just getting to the destination.  Our lives are proof positive of this.  Just what I have shared above shows the truth of this.  Why do we live waiting for 'that moment'.  Even when that moment might be a specific, certain promise from God, we tend to put everything else on hold and wait for it appear.  I have learned, and yes am learning every day that I need to live life in the now.  Live today with the prayer that I will be obedient to His call, that I will discern His will and as my husband says, not miss my appointment for today.  The greatest lessons learned, the most incredible blessings have come in those times of stasis.  There is the pull of my circumstances and then there is the pull of knowing I have heard His voice.  Which will rise victorious?  Will I let doubt and uncertainty win the day or will I rest in Him and in the knowledge that He has never let me down before and that He promises that He never will. 
In the Old Testament there are many examples of the Israelite's building altars or memorials when God showed Himself strong on their behalf.  When they crossed the river Jordan, Joshua had each tribe take up a stone and build a memorial.  Joshua 4:20-24, "The people came up out of the Jordan on the tenth day of the first month. They set up camp at The Gilgal to the east of Jericho.  Joshua erected a monument at The Gilgal, using the twelve stones that they had taken from the Jordan. And then he told the People of Israel, “In the days to come, when your children ask their fathers, ‘What are these stones doing here?’ tell your children this: ‘Israel crossed over this Jordan on dry ground.’ “Yes, God, your God, dried up the Jordan’s waters for you until you had crossed, just as God, your God, did at the Red Sea, which had dried up before us until we had crossed. This was so that everybody on earth would recognize how strong God’s rescuing hand is and so that you would hold God in solemn reverence always” (The MSG).  They built these reminders so that they would always have something to look back on to show them the faithfulness of the Lord.  A memento of His presence, a testament of His goodness. 
We have the certain promise of the Lord.  His promise to never leave us or forsake us.  His promise of the Holy Spirit to lead and guide us daily.  His promise that His plans for us are for our good and our benefit.  And we have the promise that when we pray according to His will He hears us and answers.  Even when we feel that the answer is too long in coming, He promises that He will help us with the burden.  Psalm 55:22 says this, "
Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you".  And this beautiful reminder in Isaiah 41:13, "I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I’m not letting go. I’m telling you, ‘Don’t panic.  I’m right here to help you'" (The MSG).  An ever present help in time of need.  A stronghold in times of trouble.  An answerer of prayers, in His time and in His way.  Always.   So hold on, trust Him, enjoy the journey and get ready for a suddenly.


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Que sera sera

1/24/2017

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There was a book that came out a few years ago titled "All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten".  I never read the book, but I can tell you that all I really need to know can be summed up in the 1950's song sung by Doris Day, 'Que sera sera'.  Rough translation, what will be will be.  If you have read any of my other posts you will know that I have confessed to being a worrier.  If there were Olympic games in that category I would be a gold medal winner.  Maybe part of it is due to my personality, and I am sure much of it is the uncertainty that I grew up with.  Never sure one day to the next what would be going on in my home, how my parents would be, what the day would hold.  Worry, dread, foreboding; all firmly ensconced in my wheelhouse.
Anxiety was my default setting.  Waking up with my stomach twisted in knots and going to bed with migraines.  Drinking and doing drugs to try to drown out some of the apprehension and unease but never quite getting away from it.  Never really feeling at rest or rested and always having this niggling sense of fear.  What an awful  way to live, or should I say to exist.  In those day all I ever needed to know was in my head.  My sense of failure, of never belonging, of being less than anyone else that I knew.  Of being labeled the daughter of alcoholics and then becoming one myself.  Of being called trouble and crazy and someone you don't want to get involved with.  Of being called cheap and a slut.  So yes, all that I needed to know I could access in that catalog inside my head.  Unloved and unlovable, forever and ever amen.
But as Paul Harvey used to say, "and now the rest of the story".  Thank God literally that that was not the end of the story.  It was only the jumping off point.  There came a day that I met the One who would not only love me, but who would love me as I was, even if I never changed.  The One who would reach down and take hold of me and never let me go.  Jesus; Lord, Saviour, friend, eternal love. 
So at 21 years of age I met Jesus and He would change my life.  I wish I could say all the fear, doubt and anxiety were washed away in a moment, but they weren't. Yes I was changed, I was no longer looking to drugs and drink or anything else to drown out the voices in my head.  But I still had that picture of a pathetic little girl in my head who was always passed by, who was always overlooked.  I have mentioned this story before, but it bears telling again.  Just a short time after coming to salvation I had a dream or a vision, I cannot tell you which it was; all I can say it was real and it changed my life.  I saw  Jesus walking through a town, and there were many, many people all around.  All clamoring for His recognition, all in one way or another demanding His attention.  I felt small and useless and unimportant.  Again, my default setting in life.  I remember seeing myself crouching down in an almost fetal position, making myself as small as I could.  Then I sensed a shadow fall over me.   I didn't dare to look up.  Then wonder of wonders, I felt arms go around me and I was just held.  Never in my life had I felt such safety, such security, such comfort.  Such all-encompassing, unconditional love.  I felt whole for the first time in my life.  I felt the anxiety and dread just melt away.  I felt that no matter what the future had in store, that I had Someone who would never leave me, never push me aside.
As I began to grow in the Lord, in my trust of Him, and to grow in the knowledge of the Word I began to stand on the promises that I found in the Bible.  Promises that I still stand on today.  Promises like in Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope,'" (NASB).  He knows my future, He sees the beginning and the end and He holds it all in His hands.  Not only does He know us and our future, but He looks to support us.  "For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him," 2 Chronicles 16:9 (NIV).  He promises rest in the midst of all this life has to throw at us, ""Come to me, all of you who are weary and loaded down with burdens, and I will give you rest," Matthew 11:28 (ISV).  Even when we get caught up in all the minutiae, the stresses of life threatening to drag us down He knows our weakness and has an answer for us.  In Isaiah 40:29-31, He had the same answer for them in the Old Testament that He still has for us today because He is the same yesterday, today and forever; "Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, or whine, Israel, saying, “God has lost track of me.  He doesn’t care what happens to me”?  Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening?  God doesn’t come and go. God lasts. He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine.  He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath. And he knows everything, inside and out.  He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts.  For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall. But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.  They spread their wings and soar like eagles, They run and don’t get tired, they walk and don’t lag behind," (The MSG).
He sees, He knows, He loves, He understands.  Hebrews 4:15 in the Message tells us, "
Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help."  All we have to do is say yes to Him.  Yes to His sacrifice, yes to His love, yes to His Lordship.  Yes to saying goodbye to fear and doubt.  Yes to saying that no matter what the future seems to hold, He holds us.  Yes to believing that He sees the beginning and the end, that His plans for us are good and that His love is everlasting.  He will never leave us or forsake us.  In the times we live in with financial uncertainty, health problems, social unrest, hatred and anger abounding, who holds our future?  We don't, our pastors don't, our politicians don't, even our president doesn't.   Only One does and that is God and because He loves us He sent not only Jesus for our salvation, but He sent the Holy Spirit to be our comfort here on earth.  Just as Jesus told His disciples in John 14:27, "
 “I’m telling you these things while I’m still living with you. The Friend, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send at my request, will make everything plain to you. He will remind you of all the things I have told you. I’m leaving you well and whole. That’s my parting gift to you. Peace. I don’t leave you the way you’re used to being left—feeling abandoned, bereft. So don’t be upset. Don’t be distraught," (The MSG). 
So while most of us have forgotten what we learned in kindergarten, when we go through trials and tribulations and sometimes what can be chalked up to just plain life, remember these lyrics,
'Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be'

But then go one step further and remember these lyrics also from the 1950's
'I know who holds the future
And He'll guide me with His hand
With God things don't just happen
Everything by Him is planned
So as I face tomorrow
With it's problems large and small
I'll trust the God of miracles
Give to Him my all'

Lyrics to' Que sera sera' from metrolyrics.com
Lyrics to 'I know who holds the future' from smallchurchmusic.com



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Just an old bag of fertilizer

1/17/2017

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I love spring; the flowers, the lush lawn, the garden starting to grow, the birds singing; can you tell I'm dreaming of it already?  I'm done with the cold weather and we still have a few months to go.  When we bought our house we were not experienced homeowners.   I don't think we ever imagined all the hard work that went into it.  Not just the maintenance, and later the remodeling, but the landscaping and if we actually wanted something other than a goat head harvest, what it would take to reclaim the ground from weeds, thorns and poor soil.  It took a couple of years for us to get rid of just the overgrowth of tree saplings that had crawled over from the neighbor's yard.  Then untold hours to try to get grass and a garden growing.  My father went through the same thing at our home in Lake Havasu when I was young.  Talk about hard ground and dirt with little to no nutrients in it.  But he managed over the years to get that soil broken up and with the addition of fertilizer and nutrients was able to grow the tastiest tomatoes I have ever had.  Lots of work and lots of fertilizer.   My dad grew up on a farm so he knew what it took.  And most often the best way to get the nutrients the soil needs is to use natural fertilizer.  Bone meal and blood meal.  Sounds gruesome, but they add needed nitrogen, potassium and phosphorous to the soil and make it healthy for growing.  Bone meal made from a mixture of ground livestock bones and slaughter house waste.   Blood meal is made from powdered and dried livestock blood.  I told you, pretty gross sounding stuff, but it does the job intended producing beautiful plants and an abundance of fruit from those plants.  The thought, that dead cattle can help produce lush growth and a copious harvest.
Sounds almost like an oxymoron, death bringing life.  But it is not and Jesus knew that.  I sometimes wonder when Jesus realized that He was destined to die a death on the cross.  And not just a death as a criminal according to those who crucified Him, but a death as our Lord and a Saviour.  I cannot fathom that kind of love.  That kind of sacrifice.  To most of us, a major sacrifice is letting someone go before us in line or letting them taking the last biscuit at dinner.  No, this was a sacrifice unto death.  Bone crushing, bloodletting death.  Gruesome, horrible death.  His blood spilled for the remittance of our sins, His body broken for our healing.  His death for our life.  His blood spilled into the ground for our salvation.  His body bruised and torn for our restoration.  Everything we needed to become the children of God provided for in that grisly, appalling, glorious death. 
In essence His death providing the necessary nutrients for us to become and grow as Christians.  Here we were, sin sick people.  Nothing good in us.  Kind of like that soil that my dad had to work so hard with.  We were a hard people, dry and barren and unfruitful.  God saw what it would take to make us into good soil, rich soil, fruit producing soil.  He needed something that would change that dry, unyielding dirt.  He couldn't just go to the local hardware store and buy a few bags of fertilizer.  No, He knew it would take something more than that to make that soil fruitful and prolific.  It would take the blood and body of His own Son.

Seriously I am in tears here.  My Lord and Saviour gave His life so that I might have life, and that life more abundantly.  Why?  So I could sit here and do my own thing.  So I could make it through one more day by the skin of my teeth.  So I could struggle through another dawn to dusk waiting to fall into bed just so the day would be over.  He said He came that we might have life, and life more abundantly.  I don't know about you, but most days the only thing abundant is my griping and complaining.  That is sad to say and I think I need to re-think why I am here and what I am here to do.
If we read the Bible correctly, then it is an example of how we are to live.  And then when you take the scripture and really look at it, there is no question.  Paul said that we as disciples of Christ are crucified with Him.   Galations 2:20 says, "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me".   We are to be as Christ, crucified to the things of the flesh, to those things that keep us from Him and living for Him.  "And he said to [them] all, If any [man] will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me," Luke 9:23.  And Romans 6:11, "Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord."  We see a recurring theme here.  Crucified, die, take up the cross.  Jesus took up the cross, was crucified and died so that we would live.  We are to do the same so that others will have that chance at life.  We are to pour ourselves out, as He did so that others will see Him in us.  We are to crush the flesh so that we can become just like those nutrients to the lifeless dry soil in their lives.  For all effects and purposes we are to become as fertilizer.  Doesn't sound glamorous?  I'm sorry...not.  We were not told this would be an easy life, regardless of what some preach.  Let's go over that again; crucified, die, take up the cross.  I think the only cross most of us have is getting our signals crossed as to what Jesus requires of us. 
We are to live as He did.  Dying to ourselves and living for others.  That is what fertilizer does.  It is an animal that is killed and then crushed to powder.  It's blood given to bring needed nutrition to a dying world.  That nutrition feeds the soil, which feeds the plant, which feeds the world.  We are that blood meal, that bone meal.  When we have been broken, like He was we can bring healing.  When we give our blood, sweat and tears we can share His salvation with a lost and dying world.  But it requires all of us, all the time.  Complete surrender, complete death to ourselves and complete devotion to Him and those He loves.  No half measures, no half baked attempts.  Completely crushed, drained of every drop.  I am reasonably sure that even the greatest scientist could not reassemble that cow from bones that have been ground to dust and blood that has been dried and turned into powder.  Imagine, the life of one cow bringing health and life to many people.  Imagine ourselves, bringing the news of salvation and healing to many.  Imagine us truly fulfilling the Great Commission and going out and making disciples.  Bringing His life and hope to so many.
Hope; I think that is the reason I love spring so much.  It speaks of hope.  Green shoots coming forth from the earth, buds forming on trees, birds making nests.  I cannot wait to sit in my back yard and enjoy all the benefits of the hard work done to turn the hard, unproductive soil into ground that will grow plants that will yield an abundant crop.  And as I think of that, my prayer is that I also will be in a continual state of crucifying the flesh, dying daily and taking up my cross.  You see, there is a harvest out there just waiting.


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The Last of the Men, I mean Mohicans

1/11/2017

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I have written before on how I see the spiritual in many different things.  Books, music, movies; and not just so-called Christian ones.  More often than not I see the things of God in the everyday, even secular things.  Jim and I had a wonderful drive up to Jerome on Sunday and the scenery so reminded me of the movie 'Last of the Mohicans' that we watched it when we got home.  What a brutal, beautiful movie.  And it is brutal.  The violence is appalling, as it should be.  War is hell and to see it so graphically portrayed gives you an understanding of the times and the people.  People drawn into a conflict that they wanted no part of, men fighting to protect their loved ones and the right to provide for them, women coming alongside their men in battle and in peace.
You look at times like that and its easy to see the differing roles of men and women.  It is taken back to the nitty gritty; the men provide for their families, do whatever it takes to protect them and to give them a feeling of safety and security.  The women are not lesser, they just fill a different role.  You say that today and it is anathema to most women.  We have fallen into the trap of either, or.  Either the man is the strong provider and woman is the doormat at home or the woman is a shrew and the man is milquetoast.  God did not create us differently to spawn strife, but to inspire us to work together. 
As I watched the movie my heart was grieved for the men of our day.  You see the men of Hawkeye's time and it is easy to see their role in life.  They were providers, protectors, they took care of things no matter how ugly they were, all in the guise of loving their women.  Regardless of the task, they did it.  They fulfilled their roles and not only knew who they were, others respected them because they earned that respect.   Not to be redundant, but they were manly masculine men and I respect and admire that.  Today men are in the crossfire, they are told they need to be kinder, gentler, softer and they are by and large portrayed as bumbling incompetent buffoons on tv.  Why would you respect someone like that?  What is to respect in someone who caves into whiny, mean spirited manipulation?  Who folds at the first sign of conflict and has no backbone and no conviction. Or you have the opposite, the man who is violent for violence's sake, verbally abusive and cruel. Two false portrayals of who men are supposed to be.  I want to say I'm sorry for being so blunt, but I'm really not.  God gave us a wonderful example of what a man is in Jesus and that is what our men of today need to look to.  Jesus was strong, a hard worker, intensely physical.  He worked with His hands as a carpenter, worked on the boats alongside the fishermen, He was not afraid to get dirty.  He spoke His mind, told the hard truths and never apologized for it.  But He also was loving, kind, helping others, yes even to the giving of His life.  Jesus was no less masculine when He was talking to the Samaritan woman than He was when He overturned the tables in the temple.  Just like a precious gem, He was multi-faceted.  And He sets the example for men today.  Not to get off track, but a man will fight for something, but when he loves what he is fighting for, he has more resolve and dedication.   He is more willing to do whatever it takes, to go the extra mile.  In the movie, Hawkeye has tracked Cora and the others to the Huron camp.  As he walks in with no weapon, he is violently attacked; pushed, shoved, punched.  He gets up and keeps walking.  His focus is to get Cora and the others to freedom, no matter the cost.  He offers up his own life to save theirs, only to have Major Heyward give his life instead for all the others. 
We do not see that enough today.  Honor, pride, integrity.  Strength and resolve.  The mind set to do whatever it takes, no matter the cost.  As we watched that movie I wept, Jim wept.  I wept for the men of today who are told they are useless, that they are basically only drones to work in the hive their whole lives, that they have no legacy to leave.  I wept for my husband, who said what do I live for, fight for?  My husband, who loves the Lord with his whole heart.  Who in my mind gets up each day to slay the dragon for me.  I don't fall for the line that I need a knight in shining armor to save me, but I love the fact that he wants to, that he loves me enough to.  That this man, who right now is dealing with the incredible pain of a knee injury gets up every morning and goes to work and then feels like he has not done enough when he has to stop and rest.  A man who has always provided for his family, who has fought the good fight for us all these years and won't stop until his dying breath.  A man who is not afraid to get dirty but who also is kind and gentle and a gentleman also.  Who gives honor to women and the elder generation and who strives to be an example to the younger generation.  He is like that multi-faceted stone; tough and gentle, hating evil and loving the things of God, set like flint in his convictions yet flexible when he needs to be; he is a man that I respect.  And as a woman the way I show that respect is to let him be the man he needs to be, the man God formed him to be, the man that Jesus set the example for.  Nothing shows him I love him more than that I respect him.  I respect that he has to make the hard decisions, I respect that he comes to me for my opinion, not just riding roughshod over me.  I respect that he is willing to take the hard blows for our family, that he is willing to stand up for his beliefs and that he does not back down.  I respect most of all that he loves the Lord more than he loves me.  Oh, should I have said that??  Yes, I respect that, because I know that a man who loves the Lord the most will love me the best.
So...this brutal, beautiful movie.  It models that our existance is peace time and war, it is love and hate, it is life and death.  It is a man fighting for what he believes in, living his convictions every day, no matter the cost.  It takes a man after God's own heart to be able to, with God's strength and help to overcome and live a victorious life.  It is brutal, but it is also beautiful.  It is beautiful to see a man who knows who he is, and Whose he is.  It is beautiful to see a man who is willing to fight and die for those he loves.  It is beautiful to see a man not only earning, but commanding respect and reverence.  It is beautiful to see and  acknowledge the differences between men and women and not be threatened by them, but to celebrate them.  It is beautiful to see that as we become one flesh in God, through marriage that He is glorified.  That the contrasts highlight the artisty of all that God created in us, instead of detracting from us.  When we understand that, when we are not threatened by that, when we embrace the differences in who we are, we grow stronger.  A line that Cora spoke in the beginning of  the movie resonates.  Hawkeye speaks to her of the realities of life there, and she answers, 'You are right. We do not understand what is happening here. And it's not as I imagined it would be.'  He then basically apologizes that he blew her false assumptions out of the water and she answers, 'No, on the contrary. It is more deeply stirring to my blood than any imagining could possibly have been.'  As we walk in the truth of who God formed us to be, as we treat each other as the gifts that God intended us to be for each other it truly is a revelation.  It truly does stir our blood as nothing we could have ever imagined.

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An Unexpected Journey

1/3/2017

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The time of year for taking down all the Christmas lights, the tree and ornaments.  I spent Saturday doing that.  Oh and having a Hobbit marathon.  Started out watching and working, then ended up watching and working only on the commercials.  I had forgotten the treasure trove of wisdom and spiritual insight in the first movie, An Unexpected Journey. 
I think I must be part Hobbit.  I do have big feet.  And like Bilbo I have an aversion to adventure.  Here comes Gandalf the great wizard; Bilbo hopes that he has come with fireworks, but doesn't realize he is going to a pyrotechnic show of a whole other kind.  Gandalf says he has come looking for someone to share an adventure.  And Bilbo immediately shakes his head and says no, “Sorry! I don’t want any adventures, thank you. Not Today."
Looking back at my life I realize that there truly was going to be a great change after I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour.  I guess I am glad that He didn't come to me and say, we are going on a great adventure like Gandalf did.  I probably would have said no and went back to my life as it was.  A life of predictability, ho hum, just get through to the next day rut.  Wake up and repeat.
I didn't realize that I had gotten myself into a different kind of rut.  I thought my Christian life meant going to church, bible study, watch Christian tv, listen to Christian music.  I wasn't living out my Christianity, I was studying it, watching it, listening to it, reading about it.  And I was a good student.  I read my bible, Christian books, the concordance, books of history and maps.  But as Gandalf tells Bilbo, "The world is not in your books and maps. It's out there."  I was doing all the right things, but I wasn't 'being'.  Do it all today, wake up and repeat.  I had to go out.  Out?  That's scary.  That's frightening.  But that's where Jesus wants us.  We don't do any good for others when all we do is stay inside the four walls of the church; after all that is where the disciples already are, right?  No, as Jesus said in Matthew 28:19, "God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life," (The Message).  God, I have to go out?  Out into that big, bad scary world?  What will happen to me?  What will become of me?  Bilbo asks Gandalf the same thing; if I go can you promise I'll come back.  In other words back to my comfort zone, to safety, to my books and tea.  And Gandalf answers honestly, I cannot promise that, and if you do come back you will not be the same.
Oh how right Gandalf was.  Bilbo would never be the same.  He would set out on the adventure of his life and he would come back a different man.  He would travel far, fight monsters, endure dangers he never even imagined.  His life would be in danger, he would become responsible for others and he would have to make life and death decisions that would not only affect him but others as well.  It was frightening, it was often downright terrifying, but when he looked back he realized what a glorious time it was. 
He was changed.  Changed from the man, who shortly after heading out says he must go back for his handkerchief.  He had to put aside comfortable things and step into his destiny.  How often have we started stepping into our destiny, into God's will and realized things felt a bit dicey.  And, nope, God I need to get back home, back where it's safe, back where it's comfortable.  God never promised us a life of comfort.  He did promise that in all the trials and tribulations that He would be with us.  He is taking us on an adventure of a lifetime; no, an adventure for all eternity.

And yes, it has been adventure.  Once I fully committed, signed the contract per se I have never been the same.  Now it wasn't exactly the same contract that Bilbo signed, although sometimes it felt like it.  Bilbo's contract with the dwarves read something like this..."It's just the usual; summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth; up to but not exceeding one fourteenth total profit if any.  Present company shall not be liable for injuries including but not limited to laceration, evisceration... incineration".  There have been times when it felt like laceration, evisceration and incineration were on their way.  Times when fighting the monsters meant those that not only looked horrifying, but those that looked just like me.  When it might have been easier to battle Smaug than to walk  into the church on Sunday.  I may have come out a bit burnt and smelling of smoke, but God always got me through.  And through it all God was forming me into the woman, the warrior that He designed me to be. I am not the same.  He has chosen us all to be in that company called His children, His own.  He has chosen us, which means He will equip us and He will be with us on that journey.  We just have to get out of our own way, step out of our comfort zone, look past our fears.  My fears have always been of failure, of letting others down, of making a fool of myself.  And you know what?  I have failed, I have let others down, I have made a fool of myself.  But God even uses those things to teach me, to humble me, to reaffirm how much I need Him. 
What are your fears?  What are your excuses?  Don't tell them to me, give them to God.  As for me I'm off on an adventure!

The Hobbit, An Uexpected Journey quotes from imdb.com



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    Gail Holleman

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