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She Accessorized Well

7/26/2014

My husband and I joke around that the epitaph on my grave will read, 'She accessorized well'. He teases me about how my shoes match my earrings, that match my purse, that match my...oh, you get it. He gets quasi-irritated when we go out and someone says, 'Oh, I love your shoes', or 'where did you get those earrings?' I was thinking about this the other day, why do I try so hard? Because I think sometimes that is how people look at me. My first bad memory of grade school was a bunch of boys saying, 'Gail the whale that lives in a pail'. Not that bad I guess, but by the time I was ten I had to shop in what was then politely (?) called the 'husky' section for clothes. And if I could by chance find anything that fit it was pretty hideous. But worse was when my mom, bless her heart, who tried to sew, would make me clothes. I remember a pair of mustard colored pants that were too short and not the same width on each leg. Or the pair of pink plaid pants that had one leg shorter than the other. I was a sitting duck for mean comments. So to say that I had low self esteem was an understatement. I know I still deal with all of those things today.
So, I learned to take better care of myself, to dress nicely and to accessorize well. Now I just really have fun playing 'dress up'. Accessories can make a drab outfit look bright and fun. They can change the look from day to evening. They can draw your attention away from flaws. (Just ask Stacy and Clinton from 'What not to Wear'!) So I guess sometimes I go overboard, but I know it all stems back to some dark memories and hurts.
Now I am working on a new manner of accessorizing. Because accessorizing isn't just an afterthought for me, but sets the tone for the day. The accessories that I am wearing now are love, joy, peace, long-suffering (patience), gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance (self-control).
God gave me, as a gift, the greatest 'outfit' I could ever ask for...the uniform of a child of God. The attire colored by the blood of Jesus. The ensemble of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. And so dressed in that garb, I have the tools of the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galations 5:22-23) to be able to walk in victory. I know the areas where I struggle the most, and I am so grateful that through the power of the Holy Spirit working in me I can overcome my own selfish thoughts and desires and live in a manner that brings glory to the Lord.
Because I was on my own so much when I was younger, it is not a hard thing for me to isolate myself. To be stingy with my love and affection. The Lord is working on me regarding that. I have a tattoo on my wrist that says 'love'. It is a reminder to me of not only how powerful His love for me is, but how powerful a tool, a blessing and a gift it is when I give it freely to others. Which is hard for me, in and of myself. But through His Spirit, it is getting easier.
Faith is a pretty easy accessory for me to wear. I have seen the goodness of God so many times. When He healed my marriage. When He healed me of fibromyalgia. When He has come through time after time in financial hardships. When He has answered seemingly silly prayers that meant so much to me. He is a faithful God and I wear that one comfortably.
Patience...well I am sure we all struggle with that one a bit, right? For me now, the big test is getting in to work each morning. Never had to deal with all the traffic driving into Prescott. So I pray and turn up my tunes and try to spend that time not thinking about the idiot (didn't mean that, Lord), in front of me going 35 through the Dells, but about how good God is and what does He have planned for my day.
So, I guess if my epitaph does say, 'She accessorized well', I will gladly accept that. I hope that all I am, and all I show to the world, takes who I am and shows the light of God in me. That as I go about my life, it shows that I went from darkness into the light. And that those accessories of the fruit of the Spirit take the attention away from my flaws and points to the One who is Perfect and lovely and good.

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God stain

7/20/2014

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Have you ever looked at one of those Rorschach inkblot tests? I think at some point we have all seen one. Maybe on a tv show or something. You are shown these random inkblots and when you see them you are supposed to say what they remind you of. And then they use your perception of those spots and analyze your personality characteristics and emotional functions. Personally, they all look pretty sinister to me. I never see cute bunnies or playing kittens; they look like flying monsters and bugs splatted on a windshield. Shoot, I just gave away my deepest and most hidden thoughts to you...
For those who don't believe in God, in a Divine Creator of all things, everything they see is a result of haphazard chaos. There is no order, no thought processes in the planning of it all. Just a mess that happened by accident. I quoted N.D. Wilson in a previous post and am going to do so again. This time from his book, "Death by Living", it is a bit long, but bear with me. "Imagine a world that is truly and intrinsically and explosively accidental. Explain time in that world, in the world with no narrative and no narrator. Why time? Why progression? Before hydrogen had its alleged and infamous hiccup, did something aphysical and philosophically flammable snafu first? Perhaps nirvanic nothingness is more unstable than we thought; after all, it would have to spontaneously generate progression and causation (as laws and/or authoritative patterns) before hyper-hydrogen could get flatulent and before that flatulence could begin seeking radically sophisticated order. (Sidenote: By nirvanic nothingness I mean nothingness - nothingness as in what your teeth see - only less, nothingness as in take a glass and empty it, erase the glass, remove the table on which it sat, part the electrons in the air were it once was and step between them into the black coldness of space, and then remove the cold and the blackness, remove the ability of anything to take up space, remove space, remove causation, and while you're at it, remove God.) But we're not done. We need an emptier grasp of this concept. Nothingness (no space, no time, no spirit)...any nothing any nowhere could suddenly become any something any somewhere - and it could arrive with new laws for its new reality...Atheist Fortune Cookie: 'There is only the material world. Don't ask me where hyper-hydrogen came from, but I am pretty sure it blew up because I'm here (I think). The 'laws' of nature and reality and logic and morality are non-binding and are merely internal descriptions of the accidental explosion by another part of that same explosion and are likely to further explode or implode into something else as stuff continues to splatter around. You have no soul, and love and loyalty are chemical by-products of the accident and have no authority as the explosion neglected to accidentally create any. You have no purpose, no deeper meaning, and are no more valuable than any other mobile composting machine, engulfing and expelling until you are engulft and expelt. Also, you have no soul, the concept of you is itself shaky, as your self-identity is simply the result of an arbitrary atomic boundary imagined by static electricity in spongey tissue inside a spherical bone that appears to be proud of any carbon-based meat that happens to be electronically connected to it. You're not important. Your molecules prefer fragmenting to binding and will inevitably and absolutely fly apart. So suck on that, sucker of thatness. Also you should be open to new opportunities this month.' "*
We are not this random inkblot on a piece of toilet paper in some cosmic realm of futility. We are not a mistake. We were not put here by some happenchance expulsion of gas coming from the intestines of the universe. We are as the Bible says, fearfully and wonderfully made. Formed in our mother's womb, as she was formed in her mother's womb, et cetera, et cetera.
We are not, as so many are told 'a stain on society', a piece of excrement with no regard for anything or anyone. We are stained, yes; but we are stained with the blood of Jesus. We are stained with the life force of the Son of God. We are stained with His image, His likeness. And just like that Rorschach test, where the interpretation of that inkblot stain reveals the innermost parts of a person, we will be revealed by the stain we wear. Do we wear the characteristics of the One who made us? As we are revealed, do we show our true colors or His colors? Are we loving, forgiving, merciful, kind, gracious, patient. Or instead of a permanent tattoo stain of God on us and in us, are we wearing a temporary tattoo (my granddaughter wears these sometimes, they look great the first day, but by day 2 they are cracking a bit and by day 3 they are just a vague semblance of a princess or a heart or star). Do we live that life when others are watching, only to let our true selves out when alone? Are our actions consistent with what we profess? Are we a 'Sunday go-to-meeting' Christian and live like hell the rest of the week?
The word stain is defined as a spot not easily removed or a foreign matter that penetrates material leaving a discoloration. I want my life to be so stained by God that I am no longer seen. I want that stain to have dominance in my life. To color everything that I am, and everything that I do. That when I am unfolded and shown to the world, the inkblot they see is as picture of Jesus and it changes those around me.

*Quote taken from N.D. Wilson's book, Death by Living.

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Image is everything

7/13/2014

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We live in a world where it seems that style rules over substance. Where the looks have it. Where the brand makes the man, or woman. Where the car you drive tells me everything about you. And if you are not in with the right crowd then you are out. Image is everything.
How little do we know the real truth in that statement. Image IS everything. What we portray to others tells the world who we are. But I am not talking about labels, makes and models and clubs here. I am talking about the One in whose image we were made.
Stop to think about it for a moment. The God of all, the Maker of the universe, the Creator and Designer of all living things comes to earth to have communion and fellowship with the humans that He created. And in Genesis it tells us that He created Adam in His own image or in His likeness. We are talking primarily about His spiritual image here. He created Adam so that he could have fellowship with his Maker. He has given us life for the same reason. To have fellowship with Him.
I have been reading N.D. Wilson lately. I found his book 'Death by Living' right about the time I started writing my blog. I was hooked in the first page. So I went back and got his first book called 'Notes from the Tilt-A-Whirl'. I highly recommend them both. Anyway, we often think of ourselves, or have been told subtly or not so subtly that we are just a mistake. Random chance brought us into this world. I am no statistician but the numbers that Nate Wilson quotes in his book are staggering. He says, "Assume that the ultimate overseer of this reality is someone called Chance (with highlighted hair and poor management skills) and assume that everything in existence happens randomly (thanks to him), without any consideration for the artistry of it. Let us explore the general unlikelihood of anything ever happening, ever. Rumor has it that most normal men send at least eight million "forward swimming" sperm looking for an egg every sexual act. Don't even bother adding in egg variation, or the total number of sperm that may have had a fighting chance during your mother's days of fertility when you were conceived (or the possibility that she might have taken her friends' advice and shunned your father). Keep it simple and wildly conservative. Your chances of being here were about one out of eight million. Funny. Those were my odds too. The chances of us both being here? One out of sixty-four trillion." It goes on. We are not here randomly, we are not here by chance. We are here by the grace of God, and created in His image.
But even more spectacular than that? The idea that this God, this great Architect came down to earth. Not as a ruling monarch, as a conquering soldier, but in our image. As a tiny human infant. Weak and defenseless. The song "Mary did you know" makes me cry every time I hear it. This little baby, here for us! To return us to the fellowship that we lost when sin entered the picture. To restore us to the Father and bring us full circle into spiritual communion with Him.
So this infinite God came to this earth in our image to make it possible for us to leave this earth in His image.
When I think of Jesus I rarely picture Him as that baby. I think the picture I see most often is of Him on the cross. Bearing our image as His Father turned away from Him and the sin that He bore for our sake. The image of every evil, ugly sinful thing that had been done and would ever be done. His image, bloodied and broken for us. That is the image I see. And that is the image I never want to forget. I want to live in a way that brings glory to that One who gave all that I could have all. All the forgiveness, all the grace, all the mercy. All of the faith, the hope and the love. And that I wouldn't just have it to hoard for myself. But that I would share it with others and show them the image of Christ in me.
That is the style I want to live in. That is the look I want to bear. That is the label I want to wear. "Christian", one who is Christ-like.

*Quote taken from Notes from the Tilt-A-Whirl, written by N.D. Wilson. It is out of the greatest admiration that I share his words.

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Captain You Planet

7/12/2014

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I always want to chuckle when I hear myself say, "It's been a long day, or it's been a long week". A day is 24 hours long; a week is 7 days, 168 hours. Time doesn't change, or expand or contract according to our schedule. And a day doesn't get longer, unless of course you are Jack Bauer and 24 hours takes days!
I have been sitting here thinking of my week, and that thought ran through my mind, what a long week it has been. My schedule has changed: basically my whole life has been turned upside down, shaken and then ta da, let's get on with it. Instead of three days a week employment, showing up at work about 9 am and leaving by three, Tuesday and Thursday off so that I can get housework done and errands run, I am now employed full time. Or let's say two full time jobs is how it feels. Alarm set for 5:15, awake by 4:45 refusing to look at the clock so I can pretend I have at least another hour to sleep. At the shop by 8, back home by about 5. Trying to fit laundry and housework in after dinner. Bible study on Wednesday night at the house. Trips to the grocery store, gas station, the library if I am lucky. I'm tired just thinking about it. My life is full. But is it abundant?
That is what I am working on. I love the verse in John 10:10b that says "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."
It doesn't matter what is going on in our lives. If we are employed or unemployed. If we are raising our children, or our grandchildren or are empty-nesters. We can have an active lifestyle or be couch potatoes. The verse in John is talking about the life inside of us, not the life around us. Jesus came to lay His life down for us that we might choose Him and thus choose life. There are times that I get so distracted by the life, the things going on around me that I forget what Life is actually about. I forget that I am not my own, that I belong to One greater than I. That I have been purchased with a price. That I am an ambassador of the King of all heaven and earth. I forget that it is not all about me. As comedian Brian Regan says, "It's all about you, let us know when you're all set, Captain You Planet". (When you're done reading this, take a moment and watch his video at http://youtu.be/G9em-ZCddWk. I said AFTER you read this...remember, it's all about ME right now...)
As I was saying, it is not all about me. It is about living a life that is pleasing to God. It is about that abundant life. In the Strong's concordance which translates the word 'life' from the original Hebrew it means "of the absolute fulness of life, both essential and ethical, which belongs to God; life real and genuine, a life active and vigorous, devoted to God, blessed." But not only a full life, but one lived 'more abundantly' again translated from the Hebrew, "superior, extraordinary, surpassing, uncommon". That is what I want my life to be. I want to feel that when I lay my head down on my pillow at night that I have lived my day to the fullest. That I have given my all. That I have done everything as unto the Lord. That I have loved surpassingly. That I have blessed others superiorly. That I have sought God extraordinarily. That I have lived an uncommon life.
There are days we all just feel like a number. A face in the crowd. That we are lucky to get through by the skin of our teeth. (Side note, wondered about the origin of that phrase, by the skin of my teeth. No coincidence that is comes from Job 19:20. Now there is someone who seems to be having a bad day, a looooonnngggg week. Job, tried by the enemy, but so dearly loved by God. And in the end of it all, is given life, and life more abundantly!)
We are so much more than all of that to God. We are the apple of His eye. His chosen ones. His beloved children. He calls us friend. Next time you are going through your day, just waiting for it to be over, remember who you are. Remember 'Whose' you are. And as you go through your day, seek Him and His abundant life. Remind yourself that there are others out there who feel lost and alone and harried and harassed. That they would love to know that they are valued. More than a number. More than just a ship passing in the night. And as you walk in His love, as you share His most precious gift of Jesus with them that you are not just sharing part of your life with them, but that you are sharing His Life with them.
Live your life fully and more abundantly.

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Titanium Sunflowers

7/5/2014

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I don't know why I do this to myself. I truly must be a glutton for punishment. The tears, the anguish, the roller coaster of emotions. Yes, I watched "Steel Magnolias" again. I know, I must be crazy to put myself through that. Crying until my eyes are swollen and then laughing until my stomach hurts. I know, I know; it's a chick flick, a tearjerker, a heart wrencher. I just can't help myself!
I sure do envy those women in the movie though. M'Lynn, Truvy, Clairee, Annelle and Ouiser. Oh I do love Ouiser. And the scene after the funeral when M'Lynn is crying and angry and says she just wants to hit something and Clairee says, "You want to hit something, here, hit Ouiser!" If you've seen the movie you know exactly why that is so funny! I don't think I have ever had that kind of friendship with a group of women. I have some terrific friends, but it always seem to be one-on-one and sometimes sporadic. I think it would be amazing to have a community of friends, where when one is weak another can pick up the slack and be strong.
I guess I have never really had any real close friends. I love my parents dearly and some of you have read my tributes to them and know some of our struggles; but as a child of alcoholics you learn to rely on yourself. And when you never really know what will be waiting for you at home, you are very careful who you allow to come over. For years my best friends were my dog Holly and my radio. I think that is why I have such a love for music; it was such a comfort and solace to me. I remember many a time sitting on the back step with my dog, huddled together. Or sitting in my room in the dark, listening to the radio looking out the window at the house up the hill where the 'normal' family lived. I'm not looking for pity here; just laying the foundation for why it has always been so hard for me to make friends. I was pretty much taking care of myself at an early age. Yes my needs were supplied, but I was on my own most of the time. I had no true confidants, no real close buddies. I learned to be self-reliant and not dependent on anyone. Not emotionally, not physically, nothing.
Makes it hard to get to know someone like that. I was closed off. Introverted. Cautious. Withdrawn. My relationships with men were for one thing only; I needed to know I was loved. Now I know that wasn't love. And my relationships with other women were totally shallow, and even that is exaggerating the depth of them.
As I have gotten older and the Lord has healed those broken places in my heart I have come to realize how much I have missed out on. I have missed the camaraderie and companionship of other women. I have missed just being at ease with other women and enjoying laughter and tears with them. I have kept my guard up because of those long ago hurts and because of more recent ones by women I had assumed (we all know what that means) were my sisters in the Lord. I have kept my heart closed and my life lonely.
Some things I have learned; Jesus is my best friend. People can't hurt me unless I let them. And when you build up walls to keep people and hurts out, you also have walls that keep people and good things out. You don't appreciate laughter if there have been no tears. The light is so much brighter because of the darkness. And loneliness makes you appreciate the warmth of friendship so much more.
The Lord is doing so much in my life; I am finally hearing and being obedient to some of the things He has called me to do. Some of you know I have some tattoos...however you feel about them, mine all have special meaning to me. After my mom passed away and I sold our family home in Lake Havasu I visited my tattoo guy there and had him do a feather quill and ink pot. Symbolizing a new chapter in my life. Little did I know what was in store!! No longer having my mom to care for. My granddaughter that I watched from 2 months old until she was 4, going to preschool. My husband opening up a shop again, and now after being in business for 2 years it is just he and I. And writing this blog. I am truly blessed. I think what the Lord is saying now is "Trust Me and open up your heart". Oh what hard and scary words. But I am reaching out. I am realizing I am stronger than I thought I was. I have something to offer others, and that is the love of Jesus in me. I am a steel magnolia...I guess here in the southwest though I would be, hmm, let's see. How about a titanium sunflower?? Titanium is very strong and sunflowers are such happy flowers...yep that's it. Titanium Sunflower.
So to those ladies that I call friends, first and foremost forgive me for my lack of attentiveness at times. For my distance and fear of letting you in. For my being too self-reliant and looking like I didn't need what you had to offer. You know who you are. I love you and cherish you and hope that you will join me in this new club...the Titanium Sunflowers!

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She Accessorized Well

God stain

Image is everything

Captain You Planet

Titanium Sunflowers

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