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Safe under His wings

7/25/2017

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What a beautiful, odd, still morning.  Lately it's either been raining or hot and this morning it is kind of cool and the clouds seem very low, an ethereal, foggy look.  It feels almost like a cocoon or blanket around me.  Still and safe and secure.  It reminds me of a verse in one of my favorite Psalms, 91:4, "He will cover you and completely protect you with His pinions, And under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and a wall." (AMP)  What a picture of safety and asylum.  There are many verses that speak of that protection and sanctuary of hiding under His wings. "How precious is your gracious love, God! The children of men take refuge in the shadow of your wings," Psalm 36:7 (ISV).  Psalm 57:1, "Be merciful and gracious to me, O God, be merciful and gracious to me, for my soul takes refuge and finds shelter and confidence in You; yes, in the shadow of Your wings will I take refuge and be confident until calamities and destructive storms are passed," (AMP).  Even Jesus spoke in Matthew to a rebellious Jerusalem saying how often He wanted to gather her children together like a hen gathers her brood under her wings.  A picture of a protective mother hen gathering her chicks under her wings and protecting them from danger and death.  
Protection, security, salvation.  That is what is found under the wings of our God.  He will cover you and completely protect you with His pinions.  That sounds like a once and for all deal to me.   Complete, total and inviolable.  Permanent.  How can He do that?  Something that will stand the test of time, that will never be done away with?  What struck me deeply as I was studying that verse in Psalm 91, was the word pinion.  I knew it had to do with the feathers.  But if you read the definition, there is a deeper picture.  According to dictionary.com, as a noun pinion means ​the distal or terminal segment of the wing of a bird consisting of thecarpus, metacarpus, and phalanges, the wing of a bird, a feather, the flight feathers collectively. Makes sense, just what you would assume from reading the verse.  But if you look at that word pinion as a verb it takes on a deeper meaning, an eternal meaning.  To cut off the pinion of (a wing) or bind (the wings), as in order to prevent a bird from flying, to disable or restrain (a bird) in such a manner, to bind (a person's arms or hands) so they cannot be used, to disable (someone) in such a manner; shackle, to bind or hold fast.  To cut the wing as to prevent flight, to restrain or bind, to shackle and hold fast.  That is a picture of what Jesus did for us.  He allowed His wings so to speak to be cut, He could have chosen flight in the garden of Gethsemane.  He could have at any time called on a legion of angels to save Him.  He could have said no.  But He loved us so much that He chose to be bound, to be shackled, to be restrained and then placed on that cross.   He chose to be held fast on that awful piece of wood.  He voluntarily placed Himself there in our stead.  Picture this...a bird having its wings cut so it cannot fly.  Sounds awful and cruel.  But picture if somehow that bird could cut its own wings.  Sounds implausible and impossible.  How and why would anyone or anything do that?  
How and why?  Because of a love so deep and a concern so immense that it couldn't not do it.  Because of a plan so grand and a desire for fellowship with us so great that there really was no choice.  This is a God who in the form of His Son gave His all for us.  When I reread the book The Shack after watching the movie a few weeks ago there was something in the book that I hadn't remembered.  When Mac meets Papa and Jesus and Sarayu, it is not only Jesus who had the nail scars.  They all had the scars.  They all endured the pain of that crucifixion.  They all made the sacrifice for us.  I cannot even imagine.  I love my children so much, how could you endure that pain, and not only watch the death, but feel the pangs right along with them?  Physical, emotional, all of it rolled up into one big ball of agony.  Dear Lord, it breaks my heart to think of it.  And then to think of how lightly we sometimes take that.  Read in the Message a picture of Jesus, the beloved Son of our heavenly Father, what He went through..."The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling, a scrubby plant in a parched field.  There was nothing attractive about him, nothing to cause us to take a second look.  He was looked down on and passed over, a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.  One look at him and people turned away. We looked down on him, thought he was scum.  But the fact is, it was our pains he carried— our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.  We thought he brought it on himself, that God was punishing him for his own failures.  But it was our sins that did that to him, that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!  He took the punishment, and that made us whole.  Through his bruises we get healed.  We’re all like sheep who’ve wandered off and gotten lost.  We’ve all done our own thing, gone our own way.  And God has piled all our sins, everything we’ve done wrong, on him, on him.  He was beaten, he was tortured, but he didn’t say a word.  Like a lamb taken to be slaughtered and like a sheep being sheared, he took it all in silence.  Justice miscarried, and he was led off—and did anyone really know what was happening?  He died without a thought for his own welfare, beaten bloody for the sins of my people.  They buried him with the wicked, threw him in a grave with a rich man, Even though he’d never hurt a soul or said one word that wasn’t true," Isaiah 53:1-9.  Not a pretty, sterile picture is it?  Not a clean and tidy death.  Even our inmates on death row get treated better than Jesus did.  A quick injection, no torture, no enduring physical agony.  And why did He do that?  For us.  Only for us.  That was the Father's plan all along, so that we could have fellowship with Him here on earth and later in heaven.  The rest of Isaiah 53 reads like this in the Message, "Still, it’s what God had in mind all along, to crush him with pain.  The plan was that he give himself as an offering for sin so that he’d see life come from it—life, life, and more life.  And God’s plan will deeply prosper through him.  Out of that terrible travail of soul, he’ll see that it’s worth it and be glad he did it.  Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant, will make many “righteous ones,”as he himself carries the burden of their sins.  Therefore I’ll reward him extravagantly—the best of everything, the highest honors—Because he looked death in the face and didn’t flinch, because he embraced the company of the lowest.  He took on his own shoulders the sin of the many, he took up the cause of all the black sheep."  He looked death in the face and didn't flinch.  He pinioned His own wings for us, for the black sheep, that we would be made white as snow.  
I know it seems I dwell a lot on the crucifixion and the sacrifice that Jesus made in my writings.  I believe until we get that...until we understand the depth of what He did, until we get the fact that it was done, once for all we will never live in the freedom that He desires us to live in.  He made us righteous by His sacrifice.  He wiped away our sins so we can live a life free of the darkness and free of the turmoil that comes with trying to make ourselves good enough.  His surrender to His Father's will on the cross brought with it the transference of our sins onto Him.  It brought the exemption and immunity from death that was the price of that sin.  It brought us liberty and life and that life is not only ever-lasting, but it is for us here and now.  We have the choice to live with abandon the life He bought for us.  We can choose to believe all that the bible tells us and walk in that light and that truth.  There is a scripture in Hebrews that says those that have tasted of salvation and walk away are "by rejecting the Son of God, they themselves are nailing him to the cross once again and holding him up to public shame."  When I came back to the Lord many years ago and read this verse, it was a revelation to me.  I don't think I had seen it before.  And it was convicting.  How my heart hurt, to think that it was like my taking that blood bought salvation and crumpling it up like used toilet paper and flushing it down the toilet.  Sorry to be blunt, but that's the picture I see.  Something so precious, a gift so costly thrown away.  Trashed.  Just refuse, garbage to be thrown away with the rubbish.  No.  We are given this freedom so that we can live a victorious life.  So that we can share that good news with others and see them set free.  We are given this great gift so that we can become infectious Christ followers and spread it abroad.  
It's funny, as I sit here and write this I hear a rooster crowing outside.  What a full circle here in this post.  When the rooster crows it is supposed to mean that the sun is cresting on the horizon.  Well, the Son has risen and He is alive and well and living in us.  And He desires to draw us unto Himself and hold us near, safe from danger and close to His heart.  I pray that you feel that today, His deep and abiding love, His safety and protection and His heart beat in yours. 

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Under Construction

7/18/2017

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Well, there will not be a regular post today. Have my computer at the repair shop, hoping for a faster more reliable one to write my blog every week.
I pray the Lord blesses you richly today in all things as yiu seek Him. For as His word says, if you seek Him you WILL find Him.
Here are a few scriptures to meditate on today...
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Heavenly dance

7/11/2017

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I love watching 'So You Think You Can Dance'.  The beauty and joy these young people evoke when they dance just makes me happy.  Inwardly I am a dancer, outwardly I have two left feet and they are both moving in opposite directions.  I hope that in heaven that desire to dance will come to fruition and I will swirl and twirl with abandon.  Here on earth I am too self-conscious to even dance when I am alone.  But, oh those kids auditioning.  They have practiced for hours, days and years just for the chance to make it onto the show and fulfill this passion that they have.
As you listen to them talk about their dancing, most of them started at a very young age with the support of their parents to guide and motivate them.  They were nurtured, tutored and encouraged.  So for most of them, that natural talent was a starting point and hard work, determination and support from family or other adults was what kept them on track.  I can't say that I ever had that drive for anything.  Coming from a dysfunctional family, it was pretty much fend for myself.  I know now that my parents loved me to the best of their ability, but back then I felt adrift and alone.  I listened to music and read all the time.  I loved studying for school and good grades were a reward for that.  I think that is where my desire to write started, but I had no one behind me encouraging me to keep it up.  It wasn't until I was over 50 that started to do what I now know God wanted me to do all along.  Better late than never!
Watching these young adults give their all just in the scantest hopes that they will be able to achieve their dreams is amazing.  Years of hard work, practice, injuries for a 30 second chance to impress the judges.  Thirty seconds!  To make an unforgettable first impression.  I could barely get myself together in that time to get started!  Wow, years of work for a 30 second chance to fulfill your greatest desire, achieve your lifelong dream, live out your deepest hopes.
30 seconds.  Wait a moment.  Actually, I fulfilled my greatest desire, achieved lifelong dreams and lived out my deepest hopes in about 30 seconds.  That is what it took for me to say "yes" to Jesus.  He spent hours, and days and years living a sinless life so that He could fulfill the dreams of His Father to provide a way of salvation for all mankind.  His audition wasn't a mere 30 seconds either.  It was agonizing hours on a cross.  Agony, injury and brutality bought my chance to fulfill my passion.  My greatest dream, my innermost hope was to belong to someone who loved me unconditionally.  To be part of a family that would never leave me.  To be wanted and needed and cherished.  I gained all of that in the time it took me to say yes to Him.  And what is so amazing is that my dreams and hopes are not just fulfilled, but they are exponentially growing every day.  Where I am today is leap years from where I was when I committed to Him.  My love, my talents, my abilities just continue to grow as I trust Him and allow Him to work in my life.  As I live my life for Him, my desire to serve Him grows, or it should.  My desire for fellowship with Him should increase.  My need for the Word and for prayer time and study time should increase.  I cannot rest on laurels that are not mine in the first place.  He did all the work for me, now it is my pleasure and privilege to devote my life to Him. 
I sometimes wonder what happens to some of those kids who don't make the cut.  You know some come on the show for their few moments of fame, but the majority of them really want that career, that life.  I wonder if some of them just get discouraged and throw in the towel.  Feeling that this was their shot and that there is nothing more for them.  I am sure many of them take their talent and use it locally or are even able to go onto large dance companies or other dance opportunities.  Living the dream at whatever cost.
How did we get to be so blessed to live this dream, and we didn't have to pay that cost?  I just think sometimes where my life would be without Him and I shudder to even contemplate it.  Would I be an addict, would I be alone, would I even be alive.  I know where I was, I know what He brought me out of.  And because of that, I know where I am going.  If you continue to look at the dance analogy, He spent the years of work, He had the hours of blood, sweat and tears, and then He is the one who made the audition.  But then He is also the one who says you made it!  Come on in and be part of my company.  Come in and be part of my family.  Yes, I've done all the hard work, and here is your golden ticket!
That golden ticket is not a license to rest, to feel that all has been achieved.  It is the opportunity to be a part of His plan.  A way to be a part of His great choreography in this world He created.  A chance to dance a part chosen and planned just for you.  To move in unison with His other children and create this beautiful exhibition. 
What I really enjoy about the show is all of the different types of dance.  I am not big on ballroom which seems all about control and precision.  I love hip hop, especially animation and popping and locking, and dubstep; what joyful movements, what freedom!  And I love tap dancing, I think from watching old black and white movies.  So many styles, but all captivating in their own ways.  That is how we are.  We as Christians are all one body, but we all dance in different ways.  We are all part of Him, but we all play different roles.  Some are smooth and graceful, some are electrifying and almost jarring.  Some are enchanting and some provoke deep feelings.  But we all dance to the same grand Choreographer.  He is the one who guides our steps, He is the one who chooses our music and sets the tempo.  We must always remember that we are all His, and as we all dance together, we create this extravagant musical.  In some of the old musicals they used to show a forward shot of the dancers, where it just looks like they are dancing almost randomly.  Then they would go to an overhead shot, and you could see this amazing pattern emerge.  Almost like a kaleidoscope.  Seemingly random pieces of glass that form an exquisite design.  All a part of His grand plan.  All part of a heavenly dance, written and produced by a great, big God.  I cannot wait for the encore!

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Psalm 19, A Poem

7/8/2017

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The heavens declare the glory of God;

    the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
I revel in the beauty of the stars,
they seem more numerous than the sands.

 Day after day they pour forth speech;
    night after night they reveal knowledge.
And if the rocks could cry out,
 Your eminence they would acknowledge.


 They have no speech, they use no words;
    no sound is heard from them
They are bright, and light and astonishing,
as was so surely evidenced in Bethlehem.

 Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
    their words to the ends of the world.

They speak of glory and holiness and beauty,
they speak of Your Son, the Word.

In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun.
  It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,
    like a champion rejoicing to run his course.

It leaves the starting block anew each day
it strides full out, ready to pass the baton
to the moon, our evening's light source.

 It rises at one end of the heavens
    and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is deprived of its warmth.

Seed and plant and beast doth savor
it's radiance we take delight in
all it's light touches, it transformeth.

The law of the Lord is perfect,
    refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy,
    making wise the simple.

His word is true and light and life,
Showing us how to walk away from that which is sinful.

The precepts of the Lord are right,
    giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are radiant,
    giving light to the eyes.

But it is not the law that guides us
nor rules that lead our hearts
It is love for our Father,
that is what motivates our lives.

The fear of the Lord is pure,
    enduring forever.
The decrees of the Lord are firm,
    and all of them are righteous.

That fear is awe and love amixed,
in our hearts it's bound
with His statutes and commands
to always lead and guide us.

 They are more precious than gold,
    than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
    than honey from the honeycomb.

They are life to us,
they are a light to walk by.
To follow that path that He set for us
when we were yet in our mother's womb.

 By them your servant is warned;
    in keeping them there is great reward.

They are not to be feared or to be run from,
but something to walk toward.

But who can discern their own errors?
    Forgive my hidden faults.

Lead me and guide me into the truth
that saves me from the enemy's assaults.

Keep your servant also from willful sins;
    may they not rule over me.
Then I will be blameless,

    innocent of great transgression.
Help me to walk in Your will and in Your way
keep me on that narrow ridge.
Not for me to be backslidden
but to always be moving in forward progression.


 May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
    be pleasing in your sight,

    Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
You alone are my life, my hope,

my treasure beyond compare.
My desire is to do more than just give you lip service
but to be a true Christ follower.


Scripture in italics from NIV

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A weighty burden

7/4/2017

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My husband Jim and I have been on a diet.  Since about February we have been eating more carefully and trying to get exercise in.  Jim has lost about 45 pounds and I have lost just over 30.  Man, is it hard.  I try to make him three good meals a day and he has still lost all that weight.  I eat three almonds a day and struggle...well at least it seems like that most days!  There are some days where the battle is extremely hard.  I bake every Wednesday for home group, and it is hard not to taste and sample.  Some days I lose that battle.  When that happens I really don't want to get on the scale the next day.  I just know what is waiting for me.  When you are trying so hard even a .2 or .4 gain is discouraging.  So on those days I don't get on the scale; and that sets me up for more failure.  I don't know what it is.  It's like, oh well, I don't know how I did, so it's ok to eat a bit more.  Then of course I have to get on the scale eventually and pay the piper.  The burden of that weight is just hanging over my head like Damocles' sword.  Why is it that we think that we can ignore the consequences of our behavior?  The truth is there in the tighter waistband and that Pillsbury doughboy stomach.  You can't hide from the evidence forever.  Step away from the sugar.
It is the same in our lives.  Before I became a Christian I lived the way I wanted to.  I was driven by the winds of life and let it take me wherever it led.  Those were dark and painful paths.  I look back and think how did I get that far down a road I swore I would never be on in the first place.  When you are a child of alcoholics you want so badly to not go there.  I was smart, got great grades, but was shy and isolated.  That set me up for a lot of the behavior that followed.  I had no positive role models and no real idea of who God was.  He was a fairy tale that came out on Easter and Christmas...Ho, ho, ho and thanks for the Easter basket.  It is easy to see now, hindsight being 20/20 how my parents got to where they were.  My dad being a homicide detective, seeing the worst that the world had to offer.  He seemed hard on the exterior, but inside he was just a good-hearted, compassionate man.  He drank to escape what he saw every day.  Then it became a habit that was so hard for him to break.  My mom came from a life where her mother drank and she had things happen to her that shouldn't happen to a child.  Burned horribly in an accident in the kitchen when there were no adults around.  The aftermath of that and I think just a quiet insecurity led her to believe that drinking and valium seemed a safe place.  So no wonder I followed in that deeply rutted path they had left for me.  I'm not blaming them, not at all.  I made my decisions, no one forced me to live that way.
Honestly I don't think I ever really thought about how I was living until I met my husband Jim.  I partied and one day rolled into the next.  I used to get him to go to the bar with me and my friend, but it just didn't hold the same appeal.  Jim was a Christian, maybe a bit away from the Lord at the time, but he had that foundation, that faith.  He never preached at me.  He never told me how bad I was; everyone else did that for him.  I remember one girl we worked with telling him that I was crazy, stay away.  God does often work in the quiet.  In the background it seems.  There came a day where my life started to feel a little empty.  Jim took me to church.  Man, I wanted to run.  Why?  The conviction of God was putting a mirror in front of me.  I started to see who I was and what I had been.  My heart ached.  But I didn't know what for.  How do you grasp what you have never seen?  What you have never heard of?  It is like living in a dirty slum and wanting so badly to move to the mountains or the beach, but you have never even seen a picture of them.  You just know that there is something else out there.  Something beautiful and clean.  When I finally met Jesus, oh how He brought me to that beautiful place.  When I surrendered my life to Him, when I accepted His love and His sacrifice, it felt like I had come home, but to a home I had never known before.  Where my childhood home had been filled with anxiety and uncertainty, this home was filled with light and love.  Animal rescue organizations use the term "forever home" when they talk about adopting their dogs and cats.  Jesus gave me my forever home.  I was a lost, abandoned and frightened creature and He came and rescued me from myself.  He rescued me from the streets of shame and from that highway to hell that I was on.  He adopted me as His own.  I would never be the same.
So why was it that years later I somehow got spiritual amnesia?  Falling back into those old habits.  Drinking again, leaving my kids with a babysitter and going out raising hell.  But you know, it wasn't quite as fun as before.  Or maybe I wasn't as oblivious.  I would wake up in the morning with a hangover and with the conviction of the Holy Spirit hanging over me.  But just feeling convicted wasn't enough.  I had to make a decision to return to God and I really didn't want to.  It's like eating cookies on Thursday and not getting on that the scale on Friday.  Oh well, may as well eat cake too.  I was on a roller coaster ride and one day it was exhilarating, the next I was nauseous. 
I realize now that conviction is a gift from God.  It is Him sometimes gently nudging, sometimes taking a 2x4 and hitting us over the head.  Hey, you!  You're on the wrong path.  Hey!  Remember how great it feels to be in communion with Me?  To be in close fellowship with Me?  Remember how it feels to be loved and cared for?  Walk away from that slum.  Walk away from Shame Street, filled with broken dreams and littered with good intentions.  Run, yes run back to Me!  I know you're tired, I know you're discouraged.  I know it seems like home is so far away, but it isn't.  Home is one decision away.  It is one step away.  Here it is, through this narrow gate.  Here it is down this compact path.  You turned to Me before, now re-turn to Me and we'll walk this journey together.  I am home, come unto Me and find your rest.
I have been back on that path with Jesus for quite a few years now.  It feels so good not waiting for the other shoe to drop.  It feels wonderful knowing that I don't have to worry about what the scale is going to show.  He fixed the scale when He died on the cross.  He balanced the weights and now the scale holds no fear or anxiety for me.  No matter if it's Tuesday, or Saturday, no matter how 'righteous' or 'spiritual' I feel, I don't have to worry about getting on that scale, because He settled it, once for all.  Now when I feel that subtle prodding of the Holy Spirit, when I may have strayed a bit off course, when I am in danger of wandering off that ridge, it isn't apprehension or dismay I feel.  I feel loved and cared for.  I feel safe and directed.  I see the evidence of who He is and all He has done for me.  I step away from the sugar and walk hand in hand with the bread...the Bread of Life.

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