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Beauty in Barrenness

9/20/2016

I just got back from a wonderful trip with Jim to Colorado to visit my daughter. Twelve plus hours each way driving makes for an abundance of scenery. There is a lot of desert to go through to get to the good stuff..all of the trees and mountains, lakes and bucolic scenes of sheep, horses and cattle. For most people the journey only begins when you glimpse that postcard picture perfection. And it is beautiful. One breathtaking vista after another. Towering pines and color-changing aspen as far as the eye can see. Lakes and rivers and streams, bringing to mind those John Denver lyrics, "sunshine on the water looks so lovely". It was so fascinating, the light frolicking on the ripples of water, it literally brought tears to my eyes. The Quaking Aspen, the leaves seeming to dance in the wind, shimmering in the breeze. Yes we have pines and lakes here where we live, but this was like ambiance on steroids. An amazing change in scenery that seemed to light anew my spirit and revive my senses. There was this fecundity, this fertility and fruitfulness everywhere that was almost overwhelming. Growth and abundance, replete with a profusion of life.
So why is it that the part of the landscape that stands out to me the most are the stark barren mountains of wind-washed stone. They were in every state we went through, every color imaginable. Some the red of the clay, some variegated white and tan and brown, some gray and tan and blue. These are the views that draw me.
As we look at our lives, we seem to dream of those pastoral times. The green fields, the clouds flitting through an azure sky, tree covered mountains. Times of prosperity of soul and spirit, times of regeneration and life. But we were not just promised those times. We were also told that we would go through hardships and trials, testing and drought. Times where all seems dusty and arid, soul withering winds ripping through us. The harsh light of grief and calamity bleaching our spirit bone white. I have gone through those times. I am watching friends go through those times right now. We want to ask "Why", yet know there is no answer at the moment. We just shake our heads and shrug our shoulders. Nope, no answer, no clue.
Yet we know that there is One who is with us through it all. Through the glorious mountain passes and on the dry desert floor. One who will never leave us. One who is on the journey with us and never makes us travel alone. The One who promised us "I will never leave you nor forsake you." The One who promised in Isaiah 41:13, "For I the LORD your God will hold your right hand, saying unto you, Fear not; I will help you." And again in Isaiah 49:2, "in the shadow of his hand hath he hid me".
You see, our life is like that trip we took. The scenery constantly changing. Farmland and city, mountains and desert, cloudless skies and churning storms. We see what we are going through at the moment. One increment at a time. One minute, one mile at a time. One ecstatic moment, one heart wrenching juncture at a time. We see the scale model of the page, God sees not just the whole atlas, He sees everything. We go through one valley just to come upon a magnificent peak. One tribulation on the way to a moment of joy. He carries us through it all, and He not only holds us in His hand, He delivers us in due time.
We just read in Isaiah 49:2 that He hides us in the shadow of His hand. As we go on to read in that chapter, in verse 8 it says, "Thus saith the LORD, In an acceptable time have I heard thee, and in a day of salvation have I helped thee: and I will preserve thee". In an acceptable time. What is an acceptable time? Well, when I am going through darkest times, that time for me is right NOW! When I am suffering pain and hurt and heartache I want out of it immediately. But in hindsight, just like looking over that page of the map, I got through that part of the journey. Maybe scarred and a bit worn, but I got through it. And those were the time of the greatest learning, the times of the richest awareness of who God is in my life. Looking back I would not change anything. The destruction of my marriage for the regeneration of a love that grows to this day. The agony of cancer with my dad, caring for him in his last days to see him take his last breath, raise his arms to heaven and then enter into his Father's presence. Going through a stroke with my mom, then lung cancer and other crises. Caring for her for almost three years, feeding her and changing her diaper, never knowing just how much she understood of what was happening. All that to learn a new compassion for her, a new realization of unconditional love. Becoming a stronger woman, more aware of life's frailties, but also life's joy.
Our life's journey will take us through many things. Joy and sorrow. Love and loss. Birth and death. All part of the excursion, but all navigated by Him. And God has our trek plotted out, unlike our trip where we had a few unexpected detours, thinking uh-oh, are we lost? In Him we are never lost. We are never forgotten or forsaken. Through it all we can rejoice. Peaks and valleys, sun and rain, destitution and plenty, all in His hands.
Isaiah 49:13-16, "Heavens, raise the roof! Earth, wake the dead! Mountains, send up cheers! God has comforted his people. He has tenderly nursed his beaten-up, beaten-down people. But Zion said, “I don’t get it. God has left me. My Master has forgotten I even exist." “Can a mother forget the infant at her breast, walk away from the baby she bore? But even if mothers forget, I’d never forget you—never. Look, I’ve written your names on the backs of my hands."
I will never look at those harsh wind- and water-eroded mountains the same again. No they are not green and covered with life and plenty. They are cracked and craggy, bleak and jagged. But read that scripture above again...'the mountains send up cheers'. All the mountains! What we think of as good and bad, life-giving or on the edge of destruction, all in His hands. It is all on His radar, we are traveling according to His compass and we will come through this journey having gained in experience and having gained in the knowledge of His love and care for us. The barren becomes beautiful.

All scripture King James Version unless otherwise noted.
Photos taken near Grand Junction, Co by author

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As Light Breaks Through

9/13/2016

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I am a lingerer, a loiterer, an overthinker. I tend to get lost in my own thoughts and everything else seems to fade away. That can be a good thing when you have a vivid imagination. When your thoughts are fun and happy and take you to and fro in a land of goodness and light. But when your thoughts turn towards darker things, worry and brooding cloud the landscape, and it is not as pleasant. I gravitate towards staying in that place longer than is good or healthy. When it gets dimmer, instead of heading away from the growing shadows I have an inclination to let my eyes grow used to the fading light. It is like being in a room at dusk, sitting there with the blinds open, the light slowly escaping, the darkness deepening. Before you know it, instead of being bright and vibrant everything is varying shades of gray.
I have to make a conscious effort to get myself out of that place of gloom and murky dimness. And sometimes it is difficult to pull myself away from there. A few months ago we went to a local concert and heard a band, Tenth Avenue North sing a song called Cathredals. There was a line in that song that stuck with me and I made a note right then and there; it said to 'Fight back darkness with delight'. I love that. How often as adults are we truly delighted, feeling great joy or pleasure? To me delight is something a child is more apt to feel. A young child for sure. My 7 year old granddaughter is delighted when papa sprays her with the hose. She is delighted when she gets to lick the spoon when brownies are made. My 13 year old granddaughter was delighted the other day when we went to a store that was closing down and she saw some items from an animated show that she follows. I picked a couple of them up and said I would buy them for her; she was surprised and delighted. In my mind delight is an innocent thing. A simple thing. It is a grasp of the joys of life that can be ineffable, indescribable. A sudden burst of laughter, an inner glee, a deep feeling of contentment. Remember the game, Which one doesn't belong? That is where there is a group of pictures and you have to figure out which one does not go with the others. That is what we are talking about here. Darkness does not go with light. Fretting does not abide with peace. Turmoil does not remain with joy. Stress does not belong with delight.
Where does delight come from? Well the world would tell you that it comes from buying the newest model car. That it comes from having the latest designer clothes. That it comes from having the job with the most accolades, the education with the most degrees. Nothing wrong with all of those things, but they do not give lasting delight. That car will break down, those clothes will go out of style, that job will require too many hours and that education will always need to be continued. No, if you look at where delight truly comes from you have to go back to the bible. In the bible delight comes from knowing the Lord, in knowing His ways and knowing His laws. There are many scriptures in Psalms that say to delight in His commandments, His statutes and in His laws. And as we come to know Him and His ways - His truths, we enter into that delight, we are able to walk in it because we know that His word is a lamp to my feet, a light to my path. Other verses say to delight in the Almighty, to delight in God. As mentioned above, the things of this world will pass away. But the love of God, the faithfulness and mercy of God will never leave us.
Again the world would say delight comes in fulfilling every desire. Buy, spend, acquire, attain. Not. Psalm 37:4 says ,"Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart." The older I get the simpler my desires are. According to statistics, this year alone close to 33 billion dollars will be spent on self-storage units. Money spent to store away things that we 'had' to have. I have just spent the past few months going through the last of the stuff from my mom's home. When she passed away Jim and I literally had three yard sales, filled a construction sized dumpster and donated too many items to count. She had acquired so many things over the years and much of it was never even opened. I found myself falling into that same trap, just putting it somewhere to say I had it. I was pretty ruthless this last time going through things and had a yard sale and what didn't sell instead of putting it back in the shed I either gave it away or donated it. I felt so 'light' after that. Relief that I wasn't responsible for all of that detritus, all of that debris.
These days delight comes from other places. Family, friends, a good book read, looking at all the Lord has done and rejoicing in His presence in my life. Delight comes from seeing things in the light of His countenance. When I turn from the darkness of worry and doubt and selfish desires and look to Him, there is so much radiance that shadows have no place. Now instead of waiting for twilight to overtake me I gravitate to His brilliance and let that light suffuse my heart and my mind and my soul.
I may still have times where I linger too long, moments where I loiter in the dusk, occasions where I allow my mind to worry and stress, but those moments are shorter now. In lieu of becoming ensconced there, I will choose to fix my eyes on the Lord and His ways and dwell in the light of His love for me.

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Who Do You Resemble?

9/6/2016

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Back in the dark ages when I was a kid if you asked little boys what they wanted to be, most would answer a policeman or a fireman or maybe a baseball player. Little girls wanted to be a nurse or a teacher. They gave those answers because those were the people that they admired. Those were professions that were looked up to. The world has changed immensely. Now the police are vilified and entertainers and athletes who make millions are adored. And it seems the worse they behave in public the more media attention they get. These are the people our younger generation are being taught to emulate. These are the people they want to be like. Money, fame, adulation...hang the consequences. They want all the bells and whistles, shining lights, the attention of the crowd and applause.
One of my favorite authors is A.W. Tozer. One day on his way home from his job at a tire factory the young teenager heard a street preacher speaking and he said, "If you don't know how to be saved, just call on God." That young man didn't stop and ask a million questions, he didn't go through four steps to salvation, he didn't hope the preacher would pull him from the crowd and loudly pray over him. He went home, climbed the stairs to his attic and talked to God.
A.W. Tozer went on to have an incredible ministry teaching the deeper things of the Christian life. Even all those years ago he preached that the church was becoming 'worldly' and was in danger of spiritual compromise. He became a prolific writer and his devotionals are still read to this day. He has a way of making you truly look at yourself in the mirror of Christ's character and not just feel left lacking but truly desiring to become more like Christ.
The thing is, so many in the church today fall into that trap that he so warned us against. That trap of becoming too worldly. So many churches weave a tale about Christianity that is woven only in threads with bright exciting colors. Blessing and healing, provision and increase, joy and contentment. Yes, all those things are part of our life has followers of Christ. But there are darker threads woven into a tapestry that bring life to the scene, shadows that play off the light to bring a depth and profoundness that mere brightness cannot bring. It is both the light and the shadow, both the joy and the pain that bring us into true fellowship with Jesus.
Tozer wrote this, "Living a full and overflowing life does not rest in bodily health, in circumstances, nor even in seeing God’s work succeed, but in the perfect understanding of God, and in the same fellowship and oneness with Him that Jesus Himself enjoyed." We have been wrongly taught that fellowship with God involves only the good things. The peace, the joy, the hope. But if we truly desire fellowship it involves pain and grief and heartache also. Even in Jesus' day the disciples didn't understand what they were signing up for. Mark 10:38, "But Jesus said to them, "You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I drink, or to be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized?" Jesus was giving them a clue as to what road they would have to travel if they chose to follow Him. Paul knew what he was in for. He had suffered immensely to become like His Saviour and he never regretted it. In Phillipians 3:10 he wrote, "that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings" He knew that growth came not only out in the streets and homes speaking to others of Jesus, but it came in the dark and dank prison, it came in the exile on an island, it came in the beatings he received. It came in knowing that he had committed his life to the One who committed His life for him. It came in knowing that any suffering that he felt had also been felt by his Master. It came in knowing that nothing he suffered on this earth would compare to the glory that he would see on the other side of this life.
We have bought into the lie that this life of ours should be soft and comfortable. It should be 1000 count sheets and a life of ease. We've taken the bait of the enemy and believed that it is our right to have what we want when we want it. Look back at Paul again. It says in 2 Corintians that he prayed regarding a thorn in his flesh. We do not know for sure what this was, but we know that it was something that greatly bothered Paul. "Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave." He prayed diligently. He prayed with faith. He trusted His Lord. Then read what it says next, "But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest on me.…" He truly entered into fellowship with Christ.
We pray once and get discouraged if the answer is not instantaneous. We go to church and someone doesn't say hello and we get offended. We enter the sanctuary to sit in 'our' seat and find it occupied and get agitated. We sit through worship and don't like the song choice and get bent out of shape. Is it us or is it Him. Is it our comfort or is it His glory. It is our need for an answer or His desire to see us enter into His will. Is it for our gratification or it is an opportunity for us to mature. It is His way or ours. His will or ours. His face we want to see in the mirror or ours.
The sentence in Tozer's quote above that strikes me is the one that says, 'nor even in seeing God's work succeed...' We feel as if we have to know the outcome of every situation as it comes. Not true. We just need to know Who is in control of that situation, of every situation and trust His goodness and love for us will get us through. To be as Job and say even though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. And I will trust that every experience that I let Him guide me through will cause me to look more like Him.
When I was a child if you had asked me who I wanted to be like I would have said I wanted to be strong and brave like my dad, because he was a police detective and that I wanted to be beautiful like my mother. "When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known." (1 Cor. 13:11-12) Now,as I have matured the one I want to be like is my heavenly Father. The face I want to see in the mirror is His. Joy or suffering, hope or grief, contentment and heartbreak, through it all...His face.

All scripture is New American Standard Version
Information about A.W. Tozer came from The Alliance at www.cmalliance.org

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Beauty in Barrenness

As Light Breaks Through

Who Do You Resemble?

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