You know me, give me a movie and I can pretty much give you a sermon.  I think when God is the center of your life, when you see the world through the lenses of His eyes, you can see Him in everything.  I tend to get a lot out of movies.  I watched Collateral Beauty with Jim a few weeks ago and after writing last week's post about running on empty, I started thinking about that movie again.  It's about a man, Will Smith who plays Howard, whose daughter dies and he just is lost in grief.  His friends and business partners try everything to get him out of it, including hiring actors to portray Death, Time and Love.  Howard's big quote is "At the end of the day, every decision we make is because we long for love, wish we had more time, and we fear death."  And after his daughter's death he writes letters to Death, Time and Love, so these hired actors come to discuss the letters with him.  Death comes and says 'Make sure you notice the collateral beauty'.  Or the beauty that comes alongside the pain and heartache.
I wrote last week about the failure of my marriage years ago.  That was a time of heartbreak and a sense of great failure.  But it was also a time of seeing how great my God is.  A time of learning to trust Him in all things and with everything that worried me, stressed me, saddened me.  He taught me how to fast and pray, how to believe His word and how to walk in peace and joy in the midst of turmoil.  But the greatest gift, what they would call the collateral beauty was in being able to share that miracle with others after our marriage was restored.  Because of what we had gone through; the infidelity, the anger, the apathy, we were able to take all of that and use it to help others.  God used what the enemy had meant for our destruction and has used it to glorify Him.  We have used what the enemy meant as a weapon and used it as a tool to minister to others going through marital troubles.  We have seen the beauty that comes from the ashes.
We don't always see, in the midst of what we are going through what that supposedly collateral beauty can be.  It is difficult sometimes just to get out of bed in the morning, to take that first breath, to get up and function throughout the day.  But, as we keep our focus on Jesus, on His goodness and His love, we can and do get through the unthinkable.  The thing is, when we do that, the benefit isn't collateral, it is integral.  It is not some accidental thing that happens, it isn't some unintended consequence.  No, it is all a part of who God is.  Because God is love, when we rest in Him, we are bathed in love.  Because the fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, even when we walk through hard times, those are a part of who we are in Him.  There is nothing collateral about God.  There is nothing accidental about Him and His plan for our lives.  There is nothing that surprises Him, nothing that makes Him shake His head in distress.  And because He loves us, He makes a way for us to get through every sorrow, every hurt, every situation, as we trust in Him.
When my dad died, as I talked about last week, I was so unprepared.  I felt like I didn't know what hit me.  Between his illness, family turmoil that we were going through and just trying to get through the day to day I could have had a meltdown.  But, God sustained me through all of it.  He gave me strength, peace and a joy that didn't come from my circumstances, but overcame my circumstances.  He girded me up for the things to come and He allowed me to care for my dad in his final days.  And that prepared me for when I had to care for my mom, although her situation was much more difficult than what I went through with my dad.  The thing is though, nothing is too difficult for God.  The things I thought I could not do, I did.  The person I became through all of that was a better person than I was before.  I gained empathy for others, I gained a strength and resolve I did not know I had.  I gained a heart of gratitude for all those who helped me, from the doctors and nurses, to the janitorial help that came in to clean my mom's room.  God was molding me into a gracious, godly woman and I would not change a thing even if I could.  "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose, " Romans 8:28 (ESV).  To some, because that verse is so oft-quoted, it has lost it's power.  But for those of us who trust God with all things, for those of us who have experienced His love, His mercy, those words give us great hope.  No matter what we go through, there is some good that comes from it, sometime.  Another seemingly trite phrase, 'our timing is not His timing'.  He knows it all already, and as we do as that verse says, love Him and walk in His purpose for us, we gain the peace and strength to get through what seems insurmountable.  
I think of the lyrics of the song by Casting Crowns, called 'You're already there'.
From where I'm standing
Lord it's so hard for me to see
Where this is going
And where You're leading me
I wish I knew how
All my fears and all my questions
Are gonna play out
In a world I can't control

When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

From where You're standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When You breathed me into life
And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture perfect plan

What we don't understand is that He has a clear view of it all.  And what He has planned for us, He will equip us to accomplish.  I love the line in the song where it says 'You see a grand design, that You imagined when You breathed me into life.'  When we hear the word imagine, we tend to think of some flights of fancy, oh I am imagining purple elephants that can tap dance.  No, to imagine is to bring something before the mind, to conceive or form a mental image of something.  That is what God did.  He, as the word says, knew us before we were even formed.  How could He do that, unless He is the One who conceived the thought of us, what color our eyes would be.  Would our hair be curly or straight.  Would we be tall or short.  All of it, every little thing, conceived by God and brought to pass by Him.  If He can do all of that, really, wow...mind blowing stuff, why is it so hard to believe that He can and will walk with us through life.  That He will equip and prepare us for everything He has planned for us.  That no matter what life 'seems to throw at us', He saw it before.  He knew it all.  He was not surprised and He is never stymied.  There is no collateral damage, there is no collateral beauty.  It is all a part of His plan and He can and will use it all for His glory and for our growth.  And to paraphrase Howard's quote in the movie, "At the end of the day, every decision we make is because we know the love of God, desire to use time to fulfill our purpose in Him, and we have no fear of death, but choose to live life to the fullest."

I'm running on empty today.  Physically I'm not feeling well; my head aches, my body aches, I'm just exhausted.  I think mostly though it is just that in October I seem to get blue sometimes for no real reason at all. Historically it is filled with difficult and painful memories and some days that get the better of me.  That doesn't mean that I don't have faith, it doesn't mean that I don't trust God.  If anything it just reminds me of how faithful He is and what a loving God He is.  Because no matter how I 'feel', no matter how things look, He is the same yesterday, today and forever.  
I am not a scientific or a mechanical type of person.  I go to turn my bedroom light on and I trust that if I paid my bill, that if a storm has not knocked out the power or a pole has not been hit by a car that the lights will come on when I hit that switch.  Now my husband could tell me exactly why it works, what happens with that electrical current (I remember that part) and how it all comes together.  And I would forget it by tomorrow.  Don't even get me started on computers and the internet, or 'the cloud'.  Some things are above my pay grade.  The thing is I don't have to know how things work to get the benefits from them.  I don't have to have the schematics of a car's electrical system to get in, turn the key and roar off down the road.  My knowledge of these things is experiential.  Just as much of my knowledge of God is experiential.
There are those who are great apologists, those who can explain the bible and the truth of it.  I think of Josh McDowell and of J. Warner Wallace and I am amazed by their knowledge and their ability to share that with us.  My mind is simpler than that.  If the stove is hot and I touch it, hey don't do that again.  If I pick a rose and it smells beautiful, that I will do again.  Yes, we should study the bible to learn the truths of God; so that we can know these truths for ourselves and so that we can share that knowledge with others.  But as the old saying goes, there are some things we just 'know in our knower'.  The greatest things I know about God are because of the experiences I have had with Him.
When my marriage fell apart (in an October) I learned that God is a forgiving God.  He forgave me for turning my back on Him and for essentially spitting on the face of my Saviour as I walked away from Him.  I exchanged the joy of my salvation for a cheap imitation.  I traded a precious jewel for a broken piece of glass.  But even after all of that, the moment I cried out to Him I was in His presence again.  He was like that father of the prodigal son, just waiting for me to turn back to Him.  He welcomed me back with open arms, with a love that overwhelmed me and with a joy unspeakable and full of glory.  And during that time He taught me what real love is.  He taught me how to forgive, how to show mercy.  He gave me the gift of faith, to believe, to 'know in my knower' that our marriage would be restored, even to the day that it would happen.  And that, dear friends is better than having the map of the electrical grid, better than knowing if the power is a/c or d/c, better than knowing what gauge wire was used.  I knew that the creator of the universe and all that is in it is loving, forgiving, faithful, merciful because I experienced it firsthand.
I also learned in an October that God gives us strength to get through the seemingly impossible.  In 2000 my dad was becoming sicker and sicker.  I drove to Lake Havasu and took my mom and dad to Kingman to have tests done.  They said he has stomach cancer and had 6 months to live.  He ended up dying three weeks to the day after those tests.  During that time our family life was in turmoil.  One of our children had run away from home.  We didn't know where he was and lived in fear for him.  My step daughter and her baby had just moved in with us; we were basically strangers.  We knew God had ordained that, so that there could be reconciliation and restoration, but with everything else happening there was great stress.  I ended up staying with my mom and dad for those three weeks as he was dying.  Every day he grew weaker.  By the second week he didn't get out of bed and hospice came in to show us how to care for him.  My mom was exhausted.  It was devastating watching my strong father shrink down to almost nothing.  Six feet tall and when he died he was 85 pounds.  And worse was not knowing for sure if he had come to salvation, as he was a very private person and didn't share that kind of thing.  I felt as though I had the weight of the world on my shoulders.  Being with my dad dying, watching my mom grow wearier by the day.  Not being able to be with my husband, knowing my son was missing, not being able to be part of my step daughter's life, knowing my other children were suffering.  But through it all God gave me a strength, a grace to do what had to be done.  I've shared before about when my dad died, and how God told me to run out to the truck and get the cd from the stereo and play it for my dad.  He told me what track to play, saying your dad will hear this in heaven soon.  As I put that cd on, the first notes played, 'Hallalujah' and my dad's arms went straight up to his Father, and he went home.  And oh, yes, God has a sense of humor.  My dad passed into glory on October 31st, the day most of the world celebrates ungodly things, my father celebrated with his Lord in heaven.  My dad used to take me trick or treating when I was very young.  The neighborhood we lived in was very close knit.  My dad would knock on the neighbor's doors and say 'trick or bourbon'.  Well, that Halloween he knocked on heaven's door and there was no trick, nothing but a welcoming Father.
Are you running on empty today?  Maybe physically, maybe emotionally, spiritually?  Turn to the One who knows you best.  The One who loves you best.  I cannot stress enough how much He loves you.  How it grieves Him when He sees you trying to go through things alone.  How His heart breaks when you don't trust Him with everything.  From your car not running, to that bill that needs to be paid, to your marriage that is failing.  He cares about it all...He cares about you.  Go to Him with all of it.  In your pain, in your frustration, yes, even in your anger.  He is big enough, He is strong enough to handle all of that.  Nothing you can say will surprise Him.  After all, He knows your thoughts before they pass over your lips.  He knows the deepest things in your heart.  He knows all of that, and He loves you beyond your comprehension.  His shoulders are broad, His heart is broader.  He can deal with all that you give to Him and more, but that is just it, you have to give it to Him.  Give Him your cares today, give Him what distresses you.  Give Him all of it and see what He does.  Exchange your sorrows for His gladness.  Give Him your anxiety and receive His peace.  Give Him your doubt and take His hope.  Give Him your empty tank and watch Him fill it.  And He'll not only fill it, He'll use the good stuff; kind of like when I fill my Fairlane with race gas...

Today I am hurting.  My heart is hurting.  So many people I love going through hard things.  Illness, financial woes, relationship problems, struggling with things from the past that won't let go.  Family and friends in pain.  There is a quote by Elizabeth Stone that says to make the decision to be a mother is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.  Yes, that is true, but even truer is to say that deciding to follow Jesus and live and love the way He did is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.  
My husband says I take on too much of the burden of others.  And as I sit here crying for those I love, maybe I agree with that.  But if I truly follow Christ, and desire to be a follower and disciple of His then I have to do as He said and love others.  And loving means feeling their pain and caring about them.  It often means getting in the trenches with them as they are bloody and messy and just holding them.  It means bandaging their awful wounds and trying to give them the medicine they need.  It sometimes means watching them rot from their gangrenous sores because they are not willing to agree to amputate what is killing them.
Look, honestly I don't have all the answers.  A shock, I know.  I don't have the answers to world hunger, to war, to people hurting each other.  I barely have the answer to what's for dinner tonight.  But the one thing I do know, is that God is and that God loves us.  He loves us in our hurt, in our pain, in our anger.  He loves us in our joy and in our moments of triumph.  He loves us because that is who He is.  He cannot help but love us.  And in His love for us, He also has a plan for us.  And quite often we don't see that plan, or choose to ignore that plan because we don't want to believe that it is real.  That He is real.  
All I can tell you is what I have experienced.  My past is not the worst, but it is also not the best.  Growing up with alcoholics for parents.  No extensive physical abuse, but there were a couple of times I remember that would be CPS worthy.  Being molested.  Feeling alone and lonely.  An abortion.  The pain of having to live with that choice at the age of 14.  Getting to the place of using drugs and alcohol to numb what hurt inside of me.  Then using disposable relationships to try to fill that void. Date rape while intoxicated and dealing with the effects of that.   Sounds like one of those old-school afternoon specials they used to have on television.  My point here is that through all that I have come to healing because of the love of God.  Brennan Manning puts it so well, "God is saying in Jesus that in the end everything will be all right. Nothing can harm you permanently, no suffering is irrevocable, no loss is lasting, no defeat is more than transitory, no disappointment is conclusive. Jesus did not deny the reality of suffering, discouragement, disappointment, frustration, and death; he simply stated that the Kingdom of God would conquer all of these horrors, that the Father’s love is so prodigal that no evil could possibly resist it."  And as that well-worn verse in Romans states, "All things come together for good to those who are in Christ Jesus."  All things, even those things that happened before I met Him.
Because of all I went through, not in spite of it, I have a compassion and an empathy for those who are hurting.   It is like taking a vaccine, because I have a bit of the anti-body in me, I can help you heal.  I can help someone else through the pain and suffering.  My heart is outside my body, bumping up against those who are in agony and taking on part of their burden.  
But we have to reconcile with our pasts to do that.  I can choose to do as a former pastor once said, either let it make me bitter, or make me better.  I can choose to let God heal me and get me through those things that happened or I can dwell on them.  I can let my past become a past time...reliving it, brooding over it, often enshrining it.   I can do as Proverbs 26:11 says, "As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness."  It is foolishness to keep living in the past.  It is foolishness to think I can change anything.  The past is past, it cannot be changed.  But it can be redeemed.  It can be transformed from a destroying monstrosity to a redemptive motivator.  It can eat me alive, or it can spur me on to good works for others.  I am no longer my past.  I am, through Jesus a conqueror.  I am stronger and have a greater tenderness for those who are injured.  I can think of those things from the past as weapons still being used against me or I can think of them as tools in my tool belt that Jesus allows me to use in ministry to others.  
Dag Hammarskjold, a Swedish diplomat and Secretary of the U.N. in the 1950's prayed this, "For all that has been, thanks.  For all that shall be, yes."  All we can do, to move forward in discipleship to Jesus is to thank Him for the past, (for in some extent it is the past and those anguishes that finally brought us to Him) and to dedicate ourselves to living in this moment for others.  All that we can do for the future is learn to say yes to all that He has in store for us.  We have to live with an attitude of gratitude for everything.  That is hard to do, but the One who gave His all for us is here to help us with even that. 
So today I am grateful for my past that no longer has to haunt me.  I can be thankful for the hurts, the pains, the emotional distress because all of that brought me to this point of being able to say yes to Jesus and yes to a ministry of giving that hope to others.  I can be grateful even for the tears wept today, because it means my heart is still on the outside, hoping to rub up against someone else and share the love of Christ with them.  And I can be grateful for my unknown future because He holds it in His hands. Past, present, future; all His and all for His glory.  My past is no longer my past time.

Jesus encountered ten men as He walked the road
Scabbed and scarred, with many a festering wound
Outcasts, untouchables, exile their only abode
To a life of pain and loneliness they were doomed

In His mercy He spoke, Go show yourself to a priest
They went forth in obedience, their skin now fresh and anew
Only one, seeing he was healed, his journey he ceased
He cried, Jesus, Messiah my thanks and praise I give to you

Let me be the one Lord, let me be that one
Who dying in sin, with festering soul and heart
Through Your love You cleanse, and I become undone
Crying out, oh My Lord, how great Thou art

Yes Lord that one I want to be; all my gratitude to You is due
Your beautiful grace demands a response from me
Not just lip service, but my life fully lived for you
So that Your love and sacrifice others will see

You rescued me from exile, an outcast no more
Joy and fellowship and Your love now is mine
Praise and thanks will from my lips always pour
My indebtedness for that sacrifice divine

A Russian proverb of old, yet so apropos
“Those who have the disease called Jesus will never be cured”
Immune to you, I pray I will never grow
I will forever love and trust You, of this be assured

I will be that one, this choice I now make
To follow You all of my days
Giving you my life, all for Your sake
Walking only in Your will and in Your ways.

Gail M. Holleman

And the love of Joe, and Sue and Gary and Anita.  For the love of all of us, God gave His only begotten Son to die on the cross for us, for our salvation so that we would have the way to relationship with Him.  If you read the Bible, it cannot get much clearer than that. The Book is full of stories of His love, His heart for us.  Scripture after scripture talks of His love for us.  One of most oft quoted verses of all time;  John 3:16 (ESV) “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."  Another verse saying something similar, Romans 5:8 (ESV) "But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  There are others.  But hopefully we get the point.
In preparing to write my post today, as usual I was thinking of what the title would be.  And 'For the love of Pete' popped into my mind.  So of course, the nerd that I am, I had to look up when and why the phrase originated.  It was first used in the early 1900's as a euphemism for 'the love of God'.  It was used so that instead of using God's name in vain when exasperated, Pete's name was used.  And they are guessing that Pete was referring to the Peter of the Bible.  Being me, I found that amusing, as the point of the post today is to get you and me, all of us to finally understand how much God loves us, for Pete's sake.  And how He gave His Son for all of us, for the love of us.  For the love of Pete, and Scott and Amanda and Elizabeth and Gail and _______________ (insert your name).  
The thing that we have a hard time understanding with our finite puny brains though is that God does not just love...God is love.  That is hard for us to wrap our minds around.  We humans usually love for a variety of reasons.  We love because someone is good to us.  We love because someone meets our expectations.  We love because we are attracted to them.  We love people, but we also say we love things.  "Oh, I just love that purse in the window".  "I love me a great big charred steak".  "I love hiking".  Or my favorite, "I love my car".  Yes I am guilty of that one!  For us love seems to cover a multitude of ideas.  Appreciation, enjoyment, attraction, desire.  Somehow wrap up all that we think of love; I love my husband, I love my wife, I love my child, I love the smell of puppy breath, I love looking at the sunset, I love the sound of rain on a metal roof, I love coffee in the morning...wrap all those up together and...nope, not even then.  Even all of that doesn't come close to defining or expressing God and His love for us.  Because as hard as it is to fathom, God doesn't just love, He IS love.  How do I explain that?  I can't.  But I believe the scriptures and they tell me that He is.  1 John 4:8 (AMP) says this, "The one who does not love has not become acquainted with God [does not and never did know Him], for God is love. [He is the originator of love, and it is an enduring attribute of His nature.]"  And this verse in 1 John 4:16, "We have come to know [by personal observation and experience], and have believed [with deep, consistent faith] the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides continually in him." (AMP) 
​Those verses tell us that God is love.  But they also tell us that the only way we come to understand that is to know God.  We become acquainted with Him as it says in verse 8.  We come to salvation knowledge of Him and then we begin to dig deeper.  When you met the person that you married or that you have fallen in love with, you don't just say, ok I'm in love with you.  You begin to get to know that person.  First you spend time talking.  I remember the first night I met my husband Jim, we sat at Hobo Joe's in Lake Havasu for quite a few hours talking and then we went under the London Bridge and sat until about 2 in the morning getting to know each other.  And as time goes by, you dig a bit deeper.  They like eggs, they don't like yogurt.  They like this football team, not that one.  They like camping, not staying in hotels.  But if you care deeply for someone, you don't just stop at those peripheral things.  You want to know THEM.  Why do they think the way they do?  Why do they feel melancholy when it rains.  Why do fireworks make them feel joyful.  Why do marching bands make them cry?  Why do they seem to get sad in October?  You want to get to know the essence of them.  And the same goes for God.  If we say we are His, then first we understand that He loves us, but then we burrow down deeper and we realize that the essence of Him IS love.  
He loves us because that is His nature, not because of something awesomely wonderful and terrific that we have done.  Believe me, there is nothing that great that I have ever done that could deserve that kind of love from Him. But my not being awesomely fantastic and super-duper wonderful does not stop Him from loving me.  I have been reading books by the author Brennan Manning.  If you have never read him, I suggest that you do.  This is a man, who broken found a love in God that most of us cannot even begin to understand.  Yet he explains it all so well that we cannot help but see God in a new light.  This is a bit of a lengthy quote from his book "The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus" but it brings to light His love for us.  "The love of God embodied in Jesus is radically different from our natural human way of loving. As a man, I am drawn to love appealing things and persons. I love the Jersey Shore and Clearwater Beach at sunset, Handel 'Messiah', hot fudge sundaes, and my wife, Roslyn. There is a common denominator or better, a common dynamic in all of them. I am attracted by certain qualities that I find congenial. When I love as a man I am drawn by the good perceived in the other. I love someone for what I find in him or her.  Now: unlike ourselves, the Father of Jesus loves men and women, not for what he finds in them, but for what lies within himself. It is not because men and women are good that he loves them, nor only good men and women that he loves. It is because he is so unutterably good that he loves all persons, good and evil.... He loves the loveless, the unloving, and the unlovable. He does not detect what is congenial, appealing, attractive, and respond to it with his favour. In fact, he does not respond at all. The Father of Jesus is a source. He acts; he does not react. He initiates love. He is love without motive."
Oh how I hope you can grasp that today.  That it is not you that makes God love you.  It is Him.  He cannot help but love you because He is love.  He cannot help but love you because He created you for that purpose.  He cannot help but love you because that is His nature and He cannot and does not change.  He cannot help but love you, because as it says in Numbers 23:19 in the International Children's bible, (so if a kid can get this, we can too...)"God is not a man. He will not lie.  God is not a human being. He does not change his mind.  What he says he will do, he does.  What he promises, he keeps."  
So for the love of Pete, will you finally get how much He loves you?  How much He desires relationship with you.  How eager He is that you get to know Him and understand Him.  The picture of the church as the bride and Christ as a groom is meaningful.  He wants that deep, seeking, loving affinity and rapport with you.  Just as when you were courting your mate or loved one, using an old-fashioned word, He wants you to pine for Him.  To long for Him.  To wake up thinking of Him and to go to bed with Him as your last thought.  To be expectant of your next meeting with Him.  To take all your hurts and pains to Him as well as your joys and delights.  He wants all of you.  And when you love someone, that is what you are willing to give.  All of yourself.  After all, He gave all of Himself for us, didn't He?

Definition of "for the love of Pete" from The Grammarphobia Blog", for Pete's sake
Brennan Manning, "The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus"

Weakest days, greatest grace
Darkest night, brightest Light
Joy in sorrow, comfort in pain
I fall down, You lift me up again

Faith abounding, hope resounding
In Your arms, me You hold with a love strong and bold
Safe and secure You keep me in place
My greatest delight, to seek Your face

Rejoice, oh my heart, this is only the start
Living in Your will, Your plan for me I'll fulfill
In my mother's womb You so carefully fashioned me
Fearfully, wonderfully made, my life to You a pleasure be

So all of my days, unending grace
No darkness of night can obscure Your light
Joy everlasting, comfort and peace
My abiding love for you will never cease