
I wrote last week about the failure of my marriage years ago. That was a time of heartbreak and a sense of great failure. But it was also a time of seeing how great my God is. A time of learning to trust Him in all things and with everything that worried me, stressed me, saddened me. He taught me how to fast and pray, how to believe His word and how to walk in peace and joy in the midst of turmoil. But the greatest gift, what they would call the collateral beauty was in being able to share that miracle with others after our marriage was restored. Because of what we had gone through; the infidelity, the anger, the apathy, we were able to take all of that and use it to help others. God used what the enemy had meant for our destruction and has used it to glorify Him. We have used what the enemy meant as a weapon and used it as a tool to minister to others going through marital troubles. We have seen the beauty that comes from the ashes.
We don't always see, in the midst of what we are going through what that supposedly collateral beauty can be. It is difficult sometimes just to get out of bed in the morning, to take that first breath, to get up and function throughout the day. But, as we keep our focus on Jesus, on His goodness and His love, we can and do get through the unthinkable. The thing is, when we do that, the benefit isn't collateral, it is integral. It is not some accidental thing that happens, it isn't some unintended consequence. No, it is all a part of who God is. Because God is love, when we rest in Him, we are bathed in love. Because the fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, even when we walk through hard times, those are a part of who we are in Him. There is nothing collateral about God. There is nothing accidental about Him and His plan for our lives. There is nothing that surprises Him, nothing that makes Him shake His head in distress. And because He loves us, He makes a way for us to get through every sorrow, every hurt, every situation, as we trust in Him.
When my dad died, as I talked about last week, I was so unprepared. I felt like I didn't know what hit me. Between his illness, family turmoil that we were going through and just trying to get through the day to day I could have had a meltdown. But, God sustained me through all of it. He gave me strength, peace and a joy that didn't come from my circumstances, but overcame my circumstances. He girded me up for the things to come and He allowed me to care for my dad in his final days. And that prepared me for when I had to care for my mom, although her situation was much more difficult than what I went through with my dad. The thing is though, nothing is too difficult for God. The things I thought I could not do, I did. The person I became through all of that was a better person than I was before. I gained empathy for others, I gained a strength and resolve I did not know I had. I gained a heart of gratitude for all those who helped me, from the doctors and nurses, to the janitorial help that came in to clean my mom's room. God was molding me into a gracious, godly woman and I would not change a thing even if I could. "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose, " Romans 8:28 (ESV). To some, because that verse is so oft-quoted, it has lost it's power. But for those of us who trust God with all things, for those of us who have experienced His love, His mercy, those words give us great hope. No matter what we go through, there is some good that comes from it, sometime. Another seemingly trite phrase, 'our timing is not His timing'. He knows it all already, and as we do as that verse says, love Him and walk in His purpose for us, we gain the peace and strength to get through what seems insurmountable.
I think of the lyrics of the song by Casting Crowns, called 'You're already there'.
From where I'm standing
Lord it's so hard for me to see
Where this is going
And where You're leading me
I wish I knew how
All my fears and all my questions
Are gonna play out
In a world I can't control
When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there
From where You're standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When You breathed me into life
And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture perfect plan
What we don't understand is that He has a clear view of it all. And what He has planned for us, He will equip us to accomplish. I love the line in the song where it says 'You see a grand design, that You imagined when You breathed me into life.' When we hear the word imagine, we tend to think of some flights of fancy, oh I am imagining purple elephants that can tap dance. No, to imagine is to bring something before the mind, to conceive or form a mental image of something. That is what God did. He, as the word says, knew us before we were even formed. How could He do that, unless He is the One who conceived the thought of us, what color our eyes would be. Would our hair be curly or straight. Would we be tall or short. All of it, every little thing, conceived by God and brought to pass by Him. If He can do all of that, really, wow...mind blowing stuff, why is it so hard to believe that He can and will walk with us through life. That He will equip and prepare us for everything He has planned for us. That no matter what life 'seems to throw at us', He saw it before. He knew it all. He was not surprised and He is never stymied. There is no collateral damage, there is no collateral beauty. It is all a part of His plan and He can and will use it all for His glory and for our growth. And to paraphrase Howard's quote in the movie, "At the end of the day, every decision we make is because we know the love of God, desire to use time to fulfill our purpose in Him, and we have no fear of death, but choose to live life to the fullest."