I'm sitting here thinking of when I was a child.  There were a lot of rough times.  Scary, uncertain situations.  Moments when I was unsure of my future, unsure even of the present.  Having parents who were themselves messed up, using alcohol as a medication.  It is far too easy for people to blame their parents for their own failures, their own shortcomings.  It is easy to do that when all that is focused on are the bad things, the damaging things.  But in all of life, there are bright spots also.  There is always something good that can be remembered, a shining moment in the darkness.
I remember going camping and while hiking from the swimming hole back to our camper stubbing my toe as my flip flop disintegrated and ripping half my nail off.  But I also remember on that trip the old man who lived a couple of spots over cutting open the watermelon he grew in a little patch.  Sweet, warm melon with salt on it.  Juices running my chin, my hands sticky.  I remember hundreds of earwigs crawling around by the camper, but I also remember the cool refreshing swims on those hot summer days.  It's all a matter of perspective.  Where do we let our mind go to?  Glass half empty or half full?  I often joke that I see it half empty and someone spit in it.  I do tend to go towards the morose, but the older I get the more I am trying to dwell on those things that bring a smile to my face.  As the bible says in Philipians 4:8, "Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse." (MSG)
My handsome dad.  I certainly remember all the times he drank far too much; far too often.  I am sure trying to wipe away the memories of all the evil that he saw mankind do to one another.  But when I look back I also remember the dad who took me trick or treating when I was young.  The dad who showed me how to change the oil in his old MG, saying he was giving it a drink.  The dad who took an old parachute and built me a tent in the front yard.  As I get up there in years, I linger more on the thoughts that make me happy.  That man had his own demons he was fighting, and as I get older and have a greater overview I see him for the complete man he was, not the man I wish he had been. 
My beautiful mom.  Oh she was so pretty and yet so broken.  As a child how do you see that?  How do you see that the person you so love and admire is damaged and just trying to do the best that they can?  They say hindsight is 20/20.  How true.  I wish I could have seen them then as I see them now.  Every rose has it's thorn, but that does not dispel it's beauty.  I recently found some letters that my mom had written my dad when she was just married, and then just pregnant with me.  She had so many fears, so many doubts.  She wanted so badly to be a good mother, but feared that she wouldn't be.  She doubted her abilities, saw only her frailties.  I wish I could go back in time and let her know how much she was loved by God.  That He saw it all and loved her still.  There is a song out by Natalie Grant called 'Clean'.  Some of the lyrics go like this...
"I see shattered
You see whole
I see broken
But You see beautiful
And You're helping me to believe
You're restoring me piece by piece"
What does God see?  Does He see the ugly, the dirty, the mess?  No, He sees the beautiful, the glorious, the whole.  He doesn't dwell on our shortcomings, on our lack.  He doesn't focus the spotlight on our faults and our deficiencies.  He sees our potential, He sees what is inside waiting to burst forth.  He sees what He created us to be and what sin has corrupted.  He sees that sin washed away and a lovely child of God standing before Him.  Oh child of God, don't just see the dirt and the filth.  Don't just focus on the damaged and the destroyed.  Don't look at what the enemy has used to harm you, to try to break you.  Look up!  Look at the God who created you, who loves you.  Look at the Saviour who gave His all that you might be seen as forgiven, not as some sinful wretch.  Look at all the beautiful gifts you have been given.  Fill your minds with these things...
The sun shining
The birds singing
The flowers blooming
The rain coming
The children laughing
The music playing
The Father loving
The Son sacrificing
The Spirit filling

Hard to believe but I have been writing this blog for over 4 years now, over 200 posts.  That's amazing.  I spent so many years just thinking about writing.  Procrastinating about writing; I am the queen of procrastination...But here I am gratefully being faithful to the gift and calling that God has placed on my life.  When I first started writing it I would check the stats every day or so.  Oooh, how many readers today.  Then it got to be all about the numbers and not about the purpose of it all; to bring glory and honor to God.  Why does everything have to be about the numbers?  Oh, I struggle with that.  I think a lot of it comes from not having been the popular girl.  I could count my friends on one hand, minus a few fingers.  I was not in the in crowd.  But I think to some extent we all feel that.  How many friends do I have on Facebook.  How many followers on Instagram.  How many likes did I get?   It's a never ending quest for validation.  But think about it, the same person who liked your post liked the post about the dog that sounded like it said 'I love you'.  Now that's discriminating taste!
My point is, in searching for the confirmation from the crowd, we forget that we are only to be concerned with pleasing One.  Oh, you might get a thumbs up from Susie for your recipe for sauerkraut consomme and even a big red heart from Joe for your picture of your cat stuck in a box, but at the end of the day they don't change your life.  Susie and Joe and all your other oh-so-close and intimate friends on social media haven't given you anything everlasting.  They may give you a haha, or a wink or even a sad face but they have not and cannot given you salvation.  They may share your post about armadillos playing with a beach ball, but they don't share your every pain and exult in your every joy.  So much in this life is illusory; especially on the internet.  Those 322 friends you have, at the end of the day most likely won't be coming through for you in the clutch.  And when you post what's really important to you, they probably just scroll right past to get to the interesting, amusing things like cats jumping when they see a cucumber on the floor or that piece of toast with Oprah's face on it. 
We have forgotten that it is all about quality, not quantity.  It is about the authentic and genuine, not the cheap knock off.  We search high and low for something to occupy our time.  We seek endlessly for affirmation.  We are always on the hunt for the next best thing, forgetting that it is already ours.  When we have said 'yes' to Jesus we really and truly have all that we need.  We have salvation; the forgiveness for all our sins, paid for by Jesus.  We have the hope of eternal life.  We have the assurance of help in our times of need.  We have a father that rejoices over us with singing.  We have light in the midst of darkness and peace in the midst of turmoil. 
All of that and a real relationship with our Father, with Jesus and with the Holy Spirit.  Why do we settle for what is ephemeral instead of what is true and lasting?  Why do we get the tingles when our 'like' count went up to 99 but don't bother to rejoice in the rising of the sun?  We have a Father that delights in us.  We have a Saviour who no longer calls us servant, but calls us friend; and He will never unfriend us in a hissy fit.  We have a Holy Spirit who comforts us, who knows us past our superficial shares and re-tweets.  We have Him who is the All-in-all. 
Today take a break from all the insipid posts and tweets and pinterest recipes.  Take time to smell the roses, after all they were hand-made for your pleasure and you don't have to pay for them on Etsy.  Take a moment to hear the music of the wind in the trees rather than listen to that guy playing 'Old McDonald' in his armpit.  Sit a spell with your eyes closed and just breathe in the presence of Him who formed you and who loves you.  Rest in Him today; give your eyes a break, give your scrolling thumb some respite.  Today abide in what is true and trustworthy, not in fake news and click bait.  Today linger in His peace and joy.  If this is a numbers game, then the only thing that really adds up is the Lord and His genuine and certain love for you.

I think I need a Lord of the Rings movie marathon.  I am feeling down and tired.  Worn and weary.  As Bilbo said, “I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”  I am afraid this blog may not be my usual post.  Ha, even as I write that I am sure that by the end of it I will be uplifted and hopefully you will be also.  I do know who God is, and I do know who I am in Him.  I am just tired out.  Yes, it has been a bit of a difficult year with my health, and I am still dealing with a couple of things.  And for some reason, maybe because of the health issues, I just feel so much older this year.  I am second guessing all that I am doing and have done.  Have I made any impact on anyone?  What ministry is ahead of me?  As I enter the second half of my life what is in store for me?
I am sure that God understands our being weary.  There is no biblical imperative against being weary.  But there is a charge to not grow weary in doing well. (Galations 6:9 and 2 Thessalonians 3:13)  You look at the life of Jesus and you know that He knows weary.  Being in the wilderness for 40 days.  Fasting and being tempted and tried by Satan.  All of the ministry He did and He didn't have an Uber at His beck and call to get Him back and forth.  It was walking or rowing a boat for Him.  The emotional and spiritual exhaustion in the garden of Gethsemane.  The brutal physical abuse He took before the crucifixion.  And then hanging on that cross.  Bloody, beaten, exhausted.  Ok, yeah after writing that, I am feeling better about where I am today.  Seriously what can I go through that would even come close to all of that?  What can I go through that will cause the physical and emotional pain that could compare to that?  And the spiritual separation from His Father, His God?  Nope, it will never happen.  So, my heart, take courage; it is well with my soul.
Courage.  Defined as the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.  Sixteen times the bible tells us to be of good courage.  How can we be of good courage?  Honestly, how can we not?  Romans 8:31, " If God be for us, who can be against us?"  Then the scriptures go on to tell us this, "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  That means that NOTHING can separate us from His love, then nothing can separate us from His grace, His peace, His strength.  Nothing can take all of His spiritual blessings away from us.  But there is a caveat.  That love, those blessings are ours in Christ Jesus.  He first must be our Saviour, but also our Lord.  Acts 17:28, "In Him we live and move and have our being." 
If I am in Him I have all that I need for daily living; all that I need for life.  I have strength when I am weak, rest when I am weary.  I have everything in Him.  "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ", Ephesians 1:3.  And we have those spiritual blessings, they are not some pie in the sky idea. "But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus: That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus," Ephesians 2:4-7.  In ages to come.  Today, tomorrow, next month, next year.  He shows the exceeding riches of His grace to us.  Goes back to the fact that nothing can separate us from His love towards us, in Christ Jesus.  So today when I am weary His love is just as strong for me as when I may be feeling on top of the world.  Tomorrow if I am in distress, His grace is sufficient for me.  Next week if my world seems to fall apart, He is there to take me through it; He allows me to go through nothing that He cannot take me through.  "Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again--my Savior and my God!" Psalm 43:5, (NIV). 
Yes there are days when I am weak and weary, discouraged and discombobulated.  There are days when I am tired and torn, sad and seemingly inconsolable.  But the day that God is not on the throne?  That day will never arrive.  The day that the Lord turns His back on me?  Nope, not gonna happen.  The day when He finally says He is tired of my shenanigans?  Sorry devil; He loves me with an unending love.  Sorry self, He loves you no matter how petulant you are.  No matter how much self-pity you are wallowing in.  Sorry.  Not sorry.
See, I told you that by the end of this post we would both be feeling better.  How can I not?  How can you not?  The Lord of the universe.  The God of all creation loves me.  Loves you with an everlasting, unending, never-failing love.  Even when we fail.  When we give up and give in He never does.  Oh, my soul be strong and of good courage.  "Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee," Deuteronomy 31:6.  No matter how much bread, He always provides more than enough butter.

All scripture KJV unless otherwise noted.

You are incomprehensible, with fathoms too deep to perceive
Yet You are always available, from Your presence I can never leave
Father, brother, friend; comforter, teacher and lover of my soul
You lead me, guide me, equip me and make me altogether whole

You are all that I need, my all sufficient God
Your divine love, grace and mercy I will continually laud
Before I knew you, ever acknowledged Your love
You had formed me, loved me, provided a home for me above

I am struck by Your beauty, it pierces my very heart
To have You always hold me close, to know we'll never be apart
Me a sinner, bought and paid for by Your sacrificial blood
Gratitude and thankfulness flow through me, rushing like a flood

To have a father who cherishes me, a brother by my side
A friend who will never leave me; You are the groom, I the bride
I am no longer an orphan, no longer in solitude alone
You have given me everything; Your love, Your heart my home.

In You alone I rest; safe, secure, protected
By nothing but what You allow will I be affected
Naught can harm me; no trial, no sword nor fiery dart
None can injure me; my soul cries 'How great Thou art!'

Oh how I love thee Lord, my heart it doth sing
Joy permeates my spirit, all of my cares take wing
You are my all, my totality, my completion
All that I live for, all that I am; You are the reason

Though I can never fully apprehend all that You are
All my days I will seek You; You are close, never far
You are my father, my heart, my world, my reality
In Your arms, because of Your love, I will always be

We drove to California this last week to attend the graduation of our granddaughter Maddy.  Our first grandchild to graduate from high school!  Our first thought upon getting to the school and sitting up in the bleachers was how many seats were out there on the field.  This was going to be a long ceremony.  We counted at least 400 chairs.  Turned out there were 417 high school graduates in attendance.  Surprisingly the ceremony only lasted about two hours.  They ran those graduates through like they were on a conveyor belt.  Amazing how fast it was; it went by in a blur.  
There were also two students who gave speeches.  They were both pretty generic speeches, but I do remember the one young lady talking about how they were all going to succeed and become someone great.  Doctors, scientists, writers, etc.  Oh what hope she had.  What confidence she had that they would all prosper; that they would all go on to become productive adults.
I remember when I was in high school.  For me it was just getting through each day as it came.  As the child of alcoholics I never really gave my future a thought.  I'm not even sure I considered that I might have a future, let alone a bright and shiny one.  In a business class I was in we had to team up to learn life skills.  Learn to balance a check book, how to handle a budget.  We had to say what we wanted to be when we were grown up, because that would be the example for the salary we would base it all on.  I couldn't think of anything, so I said corporate lawyer; that sounded impressive I thought.  If you know me at all you know that is something I would never be good at, let alone attempt.  High impact, dealing with people, stressful.  Nope, not me.  I just never thought past the day I was enduring.  I never saw a bright and shining future for myself.  I never had a plan.
So as I sat and listened to that young lady give her speech I had a tear in my eye.  For that 18 year old that I once was.  Who instead of learning job skills and how to succeed at life was learning how to be able to drink and party and hopefully still get up for work the next morning.  I was married before I even went through that graduation ceremony having left school after the first semester with all the credits that I needed.  I was out working already and hey getting married was a way out of my parents house.  I did love my first husband, as much as a broken damaged person can love anyone.  And I think he loved me,  but we were in a dead end town in a dead end relationship; nowhere to go but down.  And down we did.  Self destructive.  Mutually destructive.  At least he had the courage to walk out.  I kept continuing in that downward spiral of work, drink, party for another year or so.  No plan, no thought for the future.
But even though I had no strategy, no agenda someone else did.  Someone who had a plan for my future.  "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11 (ESV)  There was this great big God who loved me before I even knew Him.  Yes I knew of Him, but there was no relationship.  I had no time for that kind of thing.  I was busy living my life; places to go, people to see.  Yet all the while, the whole time I was frittering my life away, this God had plans for me.  Plans for a man who would lead me to Him.  A man who would love me, cherish me.  Plans for children and step-children, for grandkids.  He saw my future when I all I saw was my painful past and a black hole in front of me.  He saw all I would go through.  He knew I would one day walk away from Him, but that His gracious love would draw me back.  He saw the loss of my parents, but He also saw that I would have the joy of caring for them and then seeing them enter into His presence.  He saw the hardships, the happiness, the pain and the pleasure.  He saw it all and took me by the hand and led me though it all, and continues to do so. 
Life is like that football field set up for the commencement ceremony.  All those chairs, all this time.  It seems that life will go by slowly, sometimes painfully slow.  Yet it all goes by in a blur.  One day you are 18, having air horns blown as they call your name, the next you are a 56 year old nana and more than half your life is over.  You see the thing is though, no matter what your plans or lack thereof; no matter if you are an incredible success or end up homeless on the street, God has a plan for you.  But just like in that graduation process,  where you have to walk up as they call your name and accept that diploma, you have to say yes to the Lord.  You have to say yes to His plan for you and for your life. 
While listening to the speeches given at Maddy's graduation, it was all sunshine and roses.  All glitter and unicorns.  We will be scientists, doctors and writers, etc.  Not we will have some drug addicts.  We will have some who go on to beat their wives and children.  We will have some who live in endless drudgery as trash collectors.  No thoughts for the downside to life.  A future so bright you gotta wear shades.  No losers, all summa cum laude.  And truthfully, in God's kingdom, in His plan for us, yes we are all summa cum laude.  Summa cum laude means with the highest honor, or with the highest praise.  In God's eyes, we are all summa cum laude.  Top of the heap.  Apple of His eye.  Cherry on top of the sundae.  However you want to look at it, we are His crowning glory.  As His children, it is like we are walking down that aisle going to collect that diploma.  The crowd is cheering, as the angels do when one sinner repents.  There is applause and your name is being shouted.  You cross that dais and your certificate is handed to you.  There is joy in the air and a feeling of anticipation.  You are now a graduate, and the tassel on your cap is moved from the right side to the left. The practice is a visual indication of the fact that the person can now claim title to the diploma he earned.  Then a member of the school board stands and authenticates that all the graduates have met the requirements for graduation and voila! your new life has begun!  So we as children of God also receive that certification, we are sealed by the blood of Jesus into a new kingdom.  We move that tassel indicating a change in our life, once a sinner, now a beloved child of God.  And suddenly we enter into a new life.  A commencement ceremony for us as we graduate from a life apart from God to a life as His own.  A commencement, a new beginning; a hope and a future.  A future so bright you gotta wear shades.

Blank screen, blank mind.  Ugh.  Cannot think of anything specific to write; a million thoughts running through my head.  Most days sitting down to write is as easy as writing that first sentence.  Some days like today I can't seem to find anything that gels.  I'm sitting here sipping my vinegar lemon water (the things we have to do to try to stay healthy!), listening to the dryer run and the wind chime making music in the breeze.  The birds are singing, there is the sound of children playing and all I can think of is how grateful I am. 
I was thinking last night that at 56 (gasp! how did that happen?) I am probably way over the half way point in my life.  I have beautiful kids that I am so blessed with.  Grand kids that make me smile every time I think of them.  A comfortable home (yes a bit messy at the moment, but I'll get around to that hopefully), a lovely yard and a heck of a fun car to drive.  We have a business that is a lot of work, but that is such a blessing.  We are reasonably healthy and in the process of trying to improve that. We live in a wonderful little community and an amazing country and we serve a great God.  All I can think of is how grateful I am. 
I look back at where I came from, and I am amazed.  The child of alcoholics.  Alone and emotionally abandoned much of my childhood and youth.  Then an alcoholic and drug user myself.  Seemingly adrift, no thought for the future.  Basically being seduced at age thirteen, then having an abortion at the same age.  Feeling worthless and valueless, giving myself away to whomever would have me.  Always thinking of myself as a piece of trash and then being treated like it.  Now what do I have?  A great God who loves me more than I could ever comprehend.  A wonderful husband who cherishes me.  Children who love me and grandchildren who I hope think their nana is pretty cool.  A stable home, filled with security and love.  A profession that allows us to see some of the most incredible cars around.  A ministry in our home group and for me, here writing this blog.  All I can think is how grateful I am.
Yes, the world is in turmoil.  Our country has leaders that are acting like spoiled brats because they don't like their President.  There are earthquakes, tornadoes, and volcanoes erupting.  There will always be something we disagree with.  People we don't get along with.  Troubles and trials and tribulations.  Homeless people and people who spend money on their every whim with no regard to others.  Those who are hungry and those who indulge every impulse and inclination.  But today I have a roof over my head, I have a cup of coffee here to drink, I have a healthy family.  All I can think of is how very grateful I am.
Yes, there is sickness and death.  There are outbreaks of seemingly never heard of diseases.  There are mass shootings inspired by an evil that is unimaginable.  But there are children also still being born every day, like Maverick yesterday. (Congrats Adam and Stephanie!)  And there is new life available to all who will but ask, through the blood of Jesus Christ.  There is hope and there is grace and there is love abounding in the presence of God.  And again, all I can say is how grateful I am.
Grateful that He created all this beauty for us.  Grateful that He thought of me before I was in my mother's belly; that He chose me before He ever even created everything else.  I am grateful even as my tongue sometimes complains.  As I complain about the price of gas, I am grateful I have a vehicle to drive.  As I complain about the traffic on my way to work, I am grateful for a job.  As I complain about the dishes and the dust, I am grateful for a home to live in.  Lord, help me always to flip the coin over and see the good in what I moan and bellyache about.  Let me have a heart of gratitude for all You are and all You have given me.  Let my heart be filled with joy and wonder rather than griping and grumbling.  Let me see You in all I do, all I have, all I am.

Sometimes I don't know how we did it.  I look back and think how amazing it is that we kept a roof over our heads and food in our bellies.  When my husband and I were younger we didn't make much money.  Sometimes the week was longer than the paycheck...Back in the day you could hope to finagle things when writing a check for a bill.  There was no electronic bill paying, or paying with a debit card.  It was cash, check or credit card.  And there were times when you would write a check and cross your fingers that it wouldn't clear before your next paycheck was deposited in the bank.  I got caught a couple of times trying that.  Of course there was overdraft protection.  Sounded so nice.  If that check goes through too early then they will cover it.  How nice!  Until those overdraft fees started adding up and then you could never get caught up.  I think today it is $35 for each instance.  Yikes. 
Sure would have been nice to have had a rich uncle leave me a fortune.  Some big inheritance deposited into my bank account.  Oooo-weee!  Wouldn't that be something!  Never have to budget again, never have to worry about the bills being paid.  Right, how does that work out for most people?  Just look at the history of most lottery winners.  They end up broke again faster than they can say 'quick pick'.  It is sad but we fallible humans tend to squander our resources and then wonder what in the world happened;  ending up worse than when we started.
Sometimes I look at how I tend to live frivolously; not so much financially but in other ways.  I forget to read the word as much as I should.  I don't pray as often as I know I ought to.  I certainly don't love others as freely as it says in the bible to; love your neighbor as yourself?  Yeah...no.  When I do some honest evaluating of my life, I sometimes wonder how God can still love me.  How He can look at me and see me as His child, beloved and cherished.  But then I have to remember that as His child, as one saved by the blood of Christ, He no longer sees me.  He sees Jesus.  When I sin, He sees it through the lens of Jesus' blood. 
When I fail He sees me with the never ending love of my heavenly Father.  When I have days where I fall off the wagon of human kindness, when I have epic fails and the devil throws every accusation at me that he can, God just says "Have you seen my Son?"  He no longer sees me, He sees His Son.  You have probably sometime in your life heard the phrase 'the Roman's road to salvation'.  It takes the book of Romans and shows the steps that it takes to become saved.  Starting in chapter 3 stating that we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.  Onto chapter 6 where we see that the price of sin is death.  Then chapter 5 states that God loved us even when we were sinners and then into chapter 10 where he says that if we will confess with our mouth and believe then we can be saved.  And again back in chapter 3:22 it then states, " the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe." (ESV)  We exchange our sin for Jesus' righteousness.  The twenty dollar word for that is 'imputed'.  The definition of that in a legal sense is this, 'to ascribe to or charge (a person) with an act or quality because of the conduct of another over whom one has control'.  Or in simple terms, because of Jesus' obedience to live a sinless life and then to die on the cross for us, His righteousness has been put to our account.  It is like that rich uncle I mentioned earlier, but vastly better.  This righteousness that has been put to my account can never be squandered.  I can never outspend it, I can never drain the account.  The only one who could do that won't because He is a good God.  He has placed a supernatural overdraft protection on that account and it will never run out. 
Let me tell you, there are days where I am just so grateful that His righteousness in me can never be frittered away, overdrawn or dissipated.  Does that mean that we can then just rest on our laurels and do nothing.  Or more accurately His laurels, as it is all His work and His grace.  No, we are to strive to live lives that honor His sacrifice and that will bring glory to His name.  We are to take that righteousness imputed to us and share its riches with others so that they might also taste and see that the Lord is good.  We are to live a life that reflects who Jesus is and let others see Him in us.  Our goal is to live a life that will cause others to see us no longer, but rather to see Him. 
Talking about banks and debit cards and overdraft protection, the big worry these days is identity theft.  I always used to joke, hey steal my identity, good luck with that.  I'm broke, not much you can take from me.  And try to open new accounts, ha that's a laugh.  My debt to income ratio is lopsided already.  Maybe you can steal my identity and leave me a better one.  You know what, I have already had my identity taken.  And it was replaced with a far better one.  My sinful life was exchanged for His righteousness.  My ignoble history was replaced with a regal heritage.  My pitiful reality was traded for a glorious future.  All of this because I said 'yes'.  Yes to Him.  Yes to my sins being forgiven.  Yes to a life of freedom.  Yes to everlasting life.  Yes to fellowship with Him.  I tell you, there are times when I write my blog and meditate on all that He has done for me and I cannot but cry.  I sit here with tears in my eyes so grateful for a new life.  So grateful for His love.  So thankful for forgiveness and mercy.  It feels better than winning the lottery.  It is like watching the "Price is right".  Do you want what's behind curtain 1, 2 or 3?  Wait, you get them all and behind curtain number 2 isn't a broken down wash tub.  Do you understand that?  In exchange for your 'nothing' you receive everything!  You enter a broken down beggar and leave with a purple robe, a crown and the keys to the kingdom.  You enter that bank hoping to open an account with pennies and learn that your Father owns the bank.  Oh my friend, stop living in penury, digging through the trash for crumbs.  If you call yourself a child of God, then live like His child.  Chosen, loved and privileged.

Lord, oh how Your garden grows
Lilies and dahlias, tulips and roses
Glorious colors, and scents to bring pleasure to our nose
But this a great dilemma it poses

Amidst all the glory, intertwined in that display
grows thorns and weeds, prickly and unkind
I wonder, do you use this as a means to convey
That in You, all things, everything is aligned

You knew us before we were a seed in the womb
Our mothers chosen, our history designed
You knew where we would grow and how we would bloom
This knowledge of Your will gives me great peace of mind

Just as in a garden, we people are so diverse
To some of us were given mothers, like daisies so sweet
To others, nettle and thistle, seemingly a curse
More akin to tares than the majestic wheat

But Lord you cultivated our life like a garden
You gave us the gift of our parents, our mother
Whether roses or dandelions, a gift not a burden
You handpicked our mother for us, not another

Be they beautiful and wise, or maybe melancholy
Mothers come in all shapes and sizes, some tomboy, some girly
Funny or strict, gloomy or jolly
Or possibly they might have left us too early

You the master gardener, knew what for us was best
While we may see the thistle, the nettle, the thorn
You saw what would mold us, and start us on our quest
From this mother you gave us to be born

My mother, so damaged, fragile and broken
Afraid of her role, hurting and uncertain
Yet in that frailty taught me, with words unspoken
To find the love of God; You pulled back the curtain

Others with a mother full of beauty and grace
Learned early of God's divine mercy and love
They glimpsed His affection by looking at her face
And then gave their hearts to their Savior above

So roses or brambles, lilies or thorns
They all have a beauty, a purpose, a gift
The rose to smell sweet, our lives to adorn
A dandelion, to blow upon, a wish set adrift

Lord, for our mother's we give you thanks and praise
We give them the honor that Your word commands
You knew our need, what would cause us to raise
Our thanks to You for our mom with uplifted hands

I envy those who can run with ease.  Since I was a teen I wanted to be able to run; it seems so freeing, so powerful.  I have tried.  I look as awkward as a hippopotamus in high heels.  I have no form, no grace, no endurance.  I knew people who ran in track; the 100 meter dash, 400 hundred meter relay, 800 meter run, and then those who did the hurdles!  How graceful they looked, it truly is poetry in motion seeing them fly over those frames.  I always ended up with shins that looked like they had been pounded with a meat tenderizer.  
In the bible it talks about running a race.  Hebrews 12:1-2a, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith". (ESV)  When a person goes into track, they know that they will have to train.  They will have to run, and then run more.  They will have to run until it feels like their heart will give out and then go out and do it again...and again.  And those that run the hurdles know that those hurdles are out there for them to jump over.  I am sure like me, the first few times they end up either bruised or on the ground wrapped up in that hurdle.  But with practice and endurance, they come to the point of being able to soar over them.  That is what they are training for.  But imagine if they go out to run that hurdle event and someone starts throwing water balloons at them.  And after the first hurdle, there is a mud hole.  And then some hurdles are standard height and then some are a foot taller, or two feet taller.  This race is no longer the standard hurdle run, it is now an obstacle course.  Or more accurately, it is like that show 'Wipeout' that used to be on tv.  The contestants had to run this ridiculous course that is filled with crazy challenges.  They never knew what was going to hit them.  They never knew what trial was ahead, what abuse was waiting for them.  I remember watching the show a few times with Jim and rarely did anyone complete the course.  Instead, most of what you saw were the contestants botching it, epic fails.  Wipeout!
So, here you are, running this race we call Christianity; it's all fun and games until things start getting thrown at you.  I was talking with a friend the other day.  Encouraging her to stay true to the course that the Lord has her on.  Affirming how far she has come and that the Lord is faithful to keep us on the path.  The next day she tells me of two things that happened, things that have thrown a curve ball at her.  That is when I had the thought of how our run is like that game 'Wipeout'.  We follow Jesus.  We begin to walk on the path He has set for us.  We are pumped for this race set before us.  And then the enemy starts to throw things at us.  Like it says in that verse in Hebrews 12, we have to set aside those things that weigh us down, the sin that seeks to entangle us.  We have to be like those athletes and train.  We have to train in hearing the Lord's voice.  We have to train in reading His word.  We have to become proficient in determining are we hearing the Spirit or is the enemy trying to deceive us.  We have to prepare like our lives depend on it.  Because our lives do depend on it.  Just as an athlete trains, not just to compete, but to win; we have to do the same.  "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run [their very best to win], but only one receives the prize? Run [your race] in such a way that you may seize the prize and make it yours!  Now every athlete who [goes into training and] competes in the games is disciplined and exercises self-control in all things. They do it to win a [b]crown that withers, but we [do it to receive] an imperishable [crown that cannot wither].  Therefore I do not run without a definite goal; I do not flail around like one beating the air [just shadow boxing].  But [like a boxer] I strictly discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached [the gospel] to others, I myself will not somehow be disqualified [as unfit for service]." 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, (AMP).  This verse is very clear.  We run to win;  we compete to attain the prize.  You don't see a prize fighter enter the ring and start to flail around, looking like a whirling dervish and hoping to win the title.  No, he goes in with intent and determination.  He bobs and weaves.  He learns different stances.  He knows which is his dominant hand and uses that to his advantage.  He has spent countless hours studying the art of boxing and also studying his opponent.  He does not go in unprepared and expecting to win.  And even with all the preparation, all the training and hard work, he comes out with some cuts and bruises; he is not unscathed.  But when that decision is handed down, the smile on his face and the arms raised in victory; all the pain, all the effort, all of it was worth it.  
In this Christian life, we are not promised days of wine and roses.  We are not promised that we won't be hurt, that we won't have scars.  But those scars are a sign of a life lived.  They are the mark of battle.  But over time, those wounds heal, the scars fade.  And we keep moving forward.  Philippians 3:13b-15a, "But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,  I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.  Let those of us who are mature think this way". (ESV)  Let those who are mature think this way.  Let those of us who have heard the voice of the Lord, who have seen Him at work in our lives, who have experienced His faithfulness, let us keep moving forward.  We are not to be like sulky children, not getting our way because the enemy has tried to discourage us, tried to deter us.  We are not to be thrown off course.  If anything, we become more determined, because if we have the enemy's attention, it is because we are on the right path.  If we are not a threat to him, he does not threaten us.  
Just like on the show 'Wipeout', we run for a prize.  They ran that obstacle course to win a grand prize of $50,000.  Now, you know that the producers are going to throw everything they can at them so that they don't have to pay out that money.  They want to make it as difficult as possible so that they will either give up or just give out.  And they know that all those fails make for great entertainment.  People don't tune in to see them fly through with ease.  That is our Christian walk, brothers and sisters.  The enemy knows the prize awaiting us.  He knows that an eternity with our Father and our Lord awaits those of us who persevere until the end.  And he does not want to see that payout.  So he throws everything he can at us.  Discouragement.  Temptations.  Accusations.  Harder and harder he tries to disqualify you.  But you, through the strength of Jesus and the power of the Spirit keep dodging them.  You bob and weave.  You jump over.  You keep on going.  And that makes for a great story.  Because even though you have bruises, you have scars, you are exhausted and your strength is waning; you can do all things through Him who strengthens you. Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things [which He has called me to do] through Him who strengthens and empowers me [to fulfill His purpose—I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency; I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him who infuses me with inner strength and confident peace.]" (AMP)  As you run that race with endurance, as you persevere throughout the trials and tribulations, as you keep going regardless of injuries or scars you are an example to others.  You are a testament to God's faithfulness, His unending love, His care for you.  You become not only a runner, you become an encourager to those who are running alongside you.  You become like that relay runner, passing that baton of faith and hope and courage to each other.  
​"This is the only race worth running. I’ve run hard right to the finish, believed all the way. All that’s left now is the shouting—God’s applause!" 2 Timothy 4:7 (MSG)  Keep running, keep fighting, keep enduring.  Dodge those attacks of the enemy.  Jump over the impediments he puts in your path.  Knock his lies out with a solid punch of the word.  Keep the faith, run the race and the only one who will wipeout will be the devil.  You will only hear the applause of heaven.  James 1:12 "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him." (ESV)

​Photo By: Sgt. Jonathan G. Wright

Many of you know that I had surgery last week, and yes, thank you I am finally feeling better.  I had been in quite a bit of pain since January and come to find out that I not only needed my gallbladder removed, I also have a large kidney stone that is too big to pass.  So a relief to find out what was wrong but now new anxiety about having surgery which I have never had before and the anesthesia that goes with it.  And of course everyone has to tell you their own gruesome story.  Of course sutures over staples; yes, I got staples.  Your surgeon will be curt and all business; no I was blessed with an amazing surgeon, liked him from the first moment I met him.  They take you in and have you count down from 100; nope, my anesthesiologist knew it was my first surgery and said she would give me a little cocktail to take nerves away, that's the last thing I remember.  
Trying to remember what happened before the surgery, I remember walking into that surgical suite and saying, oh I've seen this on tv before, lying down on the little gurney and having the nurse tuck my left arm into a blanket, and next thing I'm waking up in another room sitting in a chair.  In a flash, two hours had passed and I had no knowledge of it.  Two hours!  It was so strange, one moment I had just gotten settled on that gurney and the next thing I know they are bringing Jim in to help me get up and go home.
When I first got saved in the 80's, everyone was saying Jesus is coming back soon.  Like, any moment now He will be here and we will go to be with Him.  So you lived your life awaiting that moment and time was wasted.  I know people who didn't go to the doctor because they thought, well Jesus is coming anyway, why bother.  Hey Jesus is coming, I don't need to get anything done, here on this earth or for the kingdom, why waste my time.  I remember having a dream of all these people sitting in lawn chairs just looking at the sky.  Like hey come on, get here already.  And that is all they did, sit and watch.  And being a new Christian, unlearned in the word, I acted that same way.  And yes, Jesus' coming is closer today than any other time in history, but there are still things to be done, there is still life to be lived; in Him and through Him and for Him.  
I don't know if I will experience that second coming here, or if I will have already passed to be with Him in heaven.  All I know is the day will come when all that is in this world will no longer seem to be only pain and suffering.  Our bodies will no longer hurt.  Our hearts will no longer be broken.  Our minds will no longer be confused and tormented.  As it says in 1 Corinthians 15:52, "But let me tell you something wonderful, a mystery I’ll probably never fully understand. We’re not all going to die—but we are all going to be changed. You hear a blast to end all blasts from a trumpet, and in the time that you look up and blink your eyes—it’s over. On signal from that trumpet from heaven, the dead will be up and out of their graves, beyond the reach of death, never to die again. At the same moment and in the same way, we’ll all be changed." (MSG)  How beautiful that will be.  
I had the honor of being with both my dad and my mom when they passed away.  Or more truly, when they entered in; entered into the presence of their heavenly Father.  Into the presence of their Lord and Saviour, Jesus.  I was there when they metaphorically lay on that gurney and then woke up again in a more glorious home.  I still weep when I think of them leaving pain and death behind and becoming truly awake for the very first time.  I remember so clearly hearing the Holy Spirit tell me to run and get a certain cd out of my truck and play it for my dad.  That soon he would be singing that song along with the angels in heaven.  Holy, holy, holy.  I put that cd in and my dad, who had not moved in days lifted his arms and was gone.  In the twinkling of an eye.  He was home.  
As scripture says, our life is but a vapor.  A mist that is one moment there, the next burned off by the heat of the sun.  And yes, there is sickness and misery, hurt and anguish.  There is struggle and conflict and doubt and fear.  That is all part of life.  But He overcame all that for us.  He gives us peace in the midst of all that.  He gives us hope when all looks hopeless.  He gives us joy when all seems black.  
My whole life I have been a worry wart.  I don't know if it was my upbringing and the uncertainty that came with it.  Maybe that's just how I was made, but I always seem to worry about everything.  But when push comes to shove, I know who is in control.  I know that my Father has all in hand and I can rest.  I never really had any fear when I first went to the doctor.  I was in pain, sure, but I honestly knew that the worst that could happen would be I'd be going home.  I would shuffle off this mortal coil as Shakespeare so eloquently wrote.  I would leave behind the troubles of this daily life and awake with Jesus taking my hand and leading me into my new home.  
That being said, there is work to be done here, now.  The hope I have, the peace I have others need also.  The salvation I celebrate, the joy I have in knowing my heavenly Father loves me is something I don't want to take to the grave with me.  I want to expend all of that.  I want to share it freely and with abandon.  I want to love fully and give everything I have knowing it pleases my Father.  
You may feel you are in a prison today.  Whether it is physical or financial or mental or emotional.  You may feel trapped and locked in an endless repeat of the day before.  You may feel that nothing you do matters and nothing can change.  That is a lie from the enemy.  Everything you do matters and all that has to change is your attitude.  Take a lesson from Paul when he wrote to the Philippians while imprisoned.  Read what he writes in Philippians 1:18-21 (MSG), "​So how am I to respond? I’ve decided that I really don’t care about their motives, whether mixed, bad, or indifferent. Every time one of them opens his mouth, Christ is proclaimed, so I just cheer them on!  And I’m going to keep that celebration going because I know how it’s going to turn out. Through your faithful prayers and the generous response of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, everything he wants to do in and through me will be done. I can hardly wait to continue on my course. I don’t expect to be embarrassed in the least. On the contrary, everything happening to me in this jail only serves to make Christ more accurately known, regardless of whether I live or die. They didn’t shut me up; they gave me a pulpit! Alive, I’m Christ’s messenger; dead, I’m his bounty. Life versus even more life! I can’t lose."
Dear friend, you can't lose.  And one day, in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye you will look into the face of the One who gave all for you and that is all that will matter.

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