I love spring; the flowers, the lush lawn, the garden starting to grow, the birds singing; can you tell I'm dreaming of it already?  I'm done with the cold weather and we still have a few months to go.  When we bought our house we were not experienced homeowners.   I don't think we ever imagined all the hard work that went into it.  Not just the maintenance, and later the remodeling, but the landscaping and if we actually wanted something other than a goat head harvest, what it would take to reclaim the ground from weeds, thorns and poor soil.  It took a couple of years for us to get rid of just the overgrowth of tree saplings that had crawled over from the neighbor's yard.  Then untold hours to try to get grass and a garden growing.  My father went through the same thing at our home in Lake Havasu when I was young.  Talk about hard ground and dirt with little to no nutrients in it.  But he managed over the years to get that soil broken up and with the addition of fertilizer and nutrients was able to grow the tastiest tomatoes I have ever had.  Lots of work and lots of fertilizer.   My dad grew up on a farm so he knew what it took.  And most often the best way to get the nutrients the soil needs is to use natural fertilizer.  Bone meal and blood meal.  Sounds gruesome, but they add needed nitrogen, potassium and phosphorous to the soil and make it healthy for growing.  Bone meal made from a mixture of ground livestock bones and slaughter house waste.   Blood meal is made from powdered and dried livestock blood.  I told you, pretty gross sounding stuff, but it does the job intended producing beautiful plants and an abundance of fruit from those plants.  The thought, that dead cattle can help produce lush growth and a copious harvest.
Sounds almost like an oxymoron, death bringing life.  But it is not and Jesus knew that.  I sometimes wonder when Jesus realized that He was destined to die a death on the cross.  And not just a death as a criminal according to those who crucified Him, but a death as our Lord and a Saviour.  I cannot fathom that kind of love.  That kind of sacrifice.  To most of us, a major sacrifice is letting someone go before us in line or letting them taking the last biscuit at dinner.  No, this was a sacrifice unto death.  Bone crushing, bloodletting death.  Gruesome, horrible death.  His blood spilled for the remittance of our sins, His body broken for our healing.  His death for our life.  His blood spilled into the ground for our salvation.  His body bruised and torn for our restoration.  Everything we needed to become the children of God provided for in that grisly, appalling, glorious death. 
In essence His death providing the necessary nutrients for us to become and grow as Christians.  Here we were, sin sick people.  Nothing good in us.  Kind of like that soil that my dad had to work so hard with.  We were a hard people, dry and barren and unfruitful.  God saw what it would take to make us into good soil, rich soil, fruit producing soil.  He needed something that would change that dry, unyielding dirt.  He couldn't just go to the local hardware store and buy a few bags of fertilizer.  No, He knew it would take something more than that to make that soil fruitful and prolific.  It would take the blood and body of His own Son.
Seriously I am in tears here.  My Lord and Saviour gave His life so that I might have life, and that life more abundantly.  Why?  So I could sit here and do my own thing.  So I could make it through one more day by the skin of my teeth.  So I could struggle through another dawn to dusk waiting to fall into bed just so the day would be over.  He said He came that we might have life, and life more abundantly.  I don't know about you, but most days the only thing abundant is my griping and complaining.  That is sad to say and I think I need to re-think why I am here and what I am here to do.
If we read the Bible correctly, then it is an example of how we are to live.  And then when you take the scripture and really look at it, there is no question.  Paul said that we as disciples of Christ are crucified with Him.   Galations 2:20 says, "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me".   We are to be as Christ, crucified to the things of the flesh, to those things that keep us from Him and living for Him.  "And he said to [them] all, If any [man] will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me," Luke 9:23.  And Romans 6:11, "Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord."  We see a recurring theme here.  Crucified, die, take up the cross.  Jesus took up the cross, was crucified and died so that we would live.  We are to do the same so that others will have that chance at life.  We are to pour ourselves out, as He did so that others will see Him in us.  We are to crush the flesh so that we can become just like those nutrients to the lifeless dry soil in their lives.  For all effects and purposes we are to become as fertilizer.  Doesn't sound glamorous?  I'm sorry...not.  We were not told this would be an easy life, regardless of what some preach.  Let's go over that again; crucified, die, take up the cross.  I think the only cross most of us have is getting our signals crossed as to what Jesus requires of us. 
We are to live as He did.  Dying to ourselves and living for others.  That is what fertilizer does.  It is an animal that is killed and then crushed to powder.  It's blood given to bring needed nutrition to a dying world.  That nutrition feeds the soil, which feeds the plant, which feeds the world.  We are that blood meal, that bone meal.  When we have been broken, like He was we can bring healing.  When we give our blood, sweat and tears we can share His salvation with a lost and dying world.  But it requires all of us, all the time.  Complete surrender, complete death to ourselves and complete devotion to Him and those He loves.  No half measures, no half baked attempts.  Completely crushed, drained of every drop.  I am reasonably sure that even the greatest scientist could not reassemble that cow from bones that have been ground to dust and blood that has been dried and turned into powder.  Imagine, the life of one cow bringing health and life to many people.  Imagine ourselves, bringing the news of salvation and healing to many.  Imagine us truly fulfilling the Great Commission and going out and making disciples.  Bringing His life and hope to so many.
Hope; I think that is the reason I love spring so much.  It speaks of hope.  Green shoots coming forth from the earth, buds forming on trees, birds making nests.  I cannot wait to sit in my back yard and enjoy all the benefits of the hard work done to turn the hard, unproductive soil into ground that will grow plants that will yield an abundant crop.  And as I think of that, my prayer is that I also will be in a continual state of crucifying the flesh, dying daily and taking up my cross.  You see, there is a harvest out there just waiting.

I have written before on how I see the spiritual in many different things.  Books, music, movies; and not just so-called Christian ones.  More often than not I see the things of God in the everyday, even secular things.  Jim and I had a wonderful drive up to Jerome on Sunday and the scenery so reminded me of the movie 'Last of the Mohicans' that we watched it when we got home.  What a brutal, beautiful movie.  And it is brutal.  The violence is appalling, as it should be.  War is hell and to see it so graphically portrayed gives you an understanding of the times and the people.  People drawn into a conflict that they wanted no part of, men fighting to protect their loved ones and the right to provide for them, women coming alongside their men in battle and in peace.
You look at times like that and its easy to see the differing roles of men and women.  It is taken back to the nitty gritty; the men provide for their families, do whatever it takes to protect them and to give them a feeling of safety and security.  The women are not lesser, they just fill a different role.  You say that today and it is anathema to most women.  We have fallen into the trap of either, or.  Either the man is the strong provider and woman is the doormat at home or the woman is a shrew and the man is milquetoast.  God did not create us differently to spawn strife, but to inspire us to work together. 
As I watched the movie my heart was grieved for the men of our day.  You see the men of Hawkeye's time and it is easy to see their role in life.  They were providers, protectors, they took care of things no matter how ugly they were, all in the guise of loving their women.  Regardless of the task, they did it.  They fulfilled their roles and not only knew who they were, others respected them because they earned that respect.   Not to be redundant, but they were manly masculine men and I respect and admire that.  Today men are in the crossfire, they are told they need to be kinder, gentler, softer and they are by and large portrayed as bumbling incompetent buffoons on tv.  Why would you respect someone like that?  What is to respect in someone who caves into whiny, mean spirited manipulation?  Who folds at the first sign of conflict and has no backbone and no conviction. Or you have the opposite, the man who is violent for violence's sake, verbally abusive and cruel. Two false portrayals of who men are supposed to be.  I want to say I'm sorry for being so blunt, but I'm really not.  God gave us a wonderful example of what a man is in Jesus and that is what our men of today need to look to.  Jesus was strong, a hard worker, intensely physical.  He worked with His hands as a carpenter, worked on the boats alongside the fishermen, He was not afraid to get dirty.  He spoke His mind, told the hard truths and never apologized for it.  But He also was loving, kind, helping others, yes even to the giving of His life.  Jesus was no less masculine when He was talking to the Samaritan woman than He was when He overturned the tables in the temple.  Just like a precious gem, He was multi-faceted.  And He sets the example for men today.  Not to get off track, but a man will fight for something, but when he loves what he is fighting for, he has more resolve and dedication.   He is more willing to do whatever it takes, to go the extra mile.  In the movie, Hawkeye has tracked Cora and the others to the Huron camp.  As he walks in with no weapon, he is violently attacked; pushed, shoved, punched.  He gets up and keeps walking.  His focus is to get Cora and the others to freedom, no matter the cost.  He offers up his own life to save theirs, only to have Major Heyward give his life instead for all the others. 
We do not see that enough today.  Honor, pride, integrity.  Strength and resolve.  The mind set to do whatever it takes, no matter the cost.  As we watched that movie I wept, Jim wept.  I wept for the men of today who are told they are useless, that they are basically only drones to work in the hive their whole lives, that they have no legacy to leave.  I wept for my husband, who said what do I live for, fight for?  My husband, who loves the Lord with his whole heart.  Who in my mind gets up each day to slay the dragon for me.  I don't fall for the line that I need a knight in shining armor to save me, but I love the fact that he wants to, that he loves me enough to.  That this man, who right now is dealing with the incredible pain of a knee injury gets up every morning and goes to work and then feels like he has not done enough when he has to stop and rest.  A man who has always provided for his family, who has fought the good fight for us all these years and won't stop until his dying breath.  A man who is not afraid to get dirty but who also is kind and gentle and a gentleman also.  Who gives honor to women and the elder generation and who strives to be an example to the younger generation.  He is like that multi-faceted stone; tough and gentle, hating evil and loving the things of God, set like flint in his convictions yet flexible when he needs to be; he is a man that I respect.  And as a woman the way I show that respect is to let him be the man he needs to be, the man God formed him to be, the man that Jesus set the example for.  Nothing shows him I love him more than that I respect him.  I respect that he has to make the hard decisions, I respect that he comes to me for my opinion, not just riding roughshod over me.  I respect that he is willing to take the hard blows for our family, that he is willing to stand up for his beliefs and that he does not back down.  I respect most of all that he loves the Lord more than he loves me.  Oh, should I have said that??  Yes, I respect that, because I know that a man who loves the Lord the most will love me the best.
So...this brutal, beautiful movie.  It models that our existance is peace time and war, it is love and hate, it is life and death.  It is a man fighting for what he believes in, living his convictions every day, no matter the cost.  It takes a man after God's own heart to be able to, with God's strength and help to overcome and live a victorious life.  It is brutal, but it is also beautiful.  It is beautiful to see a man who knows who he is, and Whose he is.  It is beautiful to see a man who is willing to fight and die for those he loves.  It is beautiful to see a man not only earning, but commanding respect and reverence.  It is beautiful to see and  acknowledge the differences between men and women and not be threatened by them, but to celebrate them.  It is beautiful to see that as we become one flesh in God, through marriage that He is glorified.  That the contrasts highlight the artisty of all that God created in us, instead of detracting from us.  When we understand that, when we are not threatened by that, when we embrace the differences in who we are, we grow stronger.  A line that Cora spoke in the beginning of  the movie resonates.  Hawkeye speaks to her of the realities of life there, and she answers, 'You are right. We do not understand what is happening here. And it's not as I imagined it would be.'  He then basically apologizes that he blew her false assumptions out of the water and she answers, 'No, on the contrary. It is more deeply stirring to my blood than any imagining could possibly have been.'  As we walk in the truth of who God formed us to be, as we treat each other as the gifts that God intended us to be for each other it truly is a revelation.  It truly does stir our blood as nothing we could have ever imagined.

The time of year for taking down all the Christmas lights, the tree and ornaments.  I spent Saturday doing that.  Oh and having a Hobbit marathon.  Started out watching and working, then ended up watching and working only on the commercials.  I had forgotten the treasure trove of wisdom and spiritual insight in the first movie, An Unexpected Journey. 
I think I must be part Hobbit.  I do have big feet.  And like Bilbo I have an aversion to adventure.  Here comes Gandalf the great wizard; Bilbo hopes that he has come with fireworks, but doesn't realize he is going to a pyrotechnic show of a whole other kind.  Gandalf says he has come looking for someone to share an adventure.  And Bilbo immediately shakes his head and says no, “Sorry! I don’t want any adventures, thank you. Not Today."
Looking back at my life I realize that there truly was going to be a great change after I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour.  I guess I am glad that He didn't come to me and say, we are going on a great adventure like Gandalf did.  I probably would have said no and went back to my life as it was.  A life of predictability, ho hum, just get through to the next day rut.  Wake up and repeat.
I didn't realize that I had gotten myself into a different kind of rut.  I thought my Christian life meant going to church, bible study, watch Christian tv, listen to Christian music.  I wasn't living out my Christianity, I was studying it, watching it, listening to it, reading about it.  And I was a good student.  I read my bible, Christian books, the concordance, books of history and maps.  But as Gandalf tells Bilbo, "The world is not in your books and maps. It's out there."  I was doing all the right things, but I wasn't 'being'.  Do it all today, wake up and repeat.  I had to go out.  Out?  That's scary.  That's frightening.  But that's where Jesus wants us.  We don't do any good for others when all we do is stay inside the four walls of the church; after all that is where the disciples already are, right?  No, as Jesus said in Matthew 28:19, "God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life," (The Message).  God, I have to go out?  Out into that big, bad scary world?  What will happen to me?  What will become of me?  Bilbo asks Gandalf the same thing; if I go can you promise I'll come back.  In other words back to my comfort zone, to safety, to my books and tea.  And Gandalf answers honestly, I cannot promise that, and if you do come back you will not be the same.
Oh how right Gandalf was.  Bilbo would never be the same.  He would set out on the adventure of his life and he would come back a different man.  He would travel far, fight monsters, endure dangers he never even imagined.  His life would be in danger, he would become responsible for others and he would have to make life and death decisions that would not only affect him but others as well.  It was frightening, it was often downright terrifying, but when he looked back he realized what a glorious time it was. 
He was changed.  Changed from the man, who shortly after heading out says he must go back for his handkerchief.  He had to put aside comfortable things and step into his destiny.  How often have we started stepping into our destiny, into God's will and realized things felt a bit dicey.  And, nope, God I need to get back home, back where it's safe, back where it's comfortable.  God never promised us a life of comfort.  He did promise that in all the trials and tribulations that He would be with us.  He is taking us on an adventure of a lifetime; no, an adventure for all eternity.
And yes, it has been adventure.  Once I fully committed, signed the contract per se I have never been the same.  Now it wasn't exactly the same contract that Bilbo signed, although sometimes it felt like it.  Bilbo's contract with the dwarves read something like this..."It's just the usual; summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth; up to but not exceeding one fourteenth total profit if any.  Present company shall not be liable for injuries including but not limited to laceration, evisceration... incineration".  There have been times when it felt like laceration, evisceration and incineration were on their way.  Times when fighting the monsters meant those that not only looked horrifying, but those that looked just like me.  When it might have been easier to battle Smaug than to walk  into the church on Sunday.  I may have come out a bit burnt and smelling of smoke, but God always got me through.  And through it all God was forming me into the woman, the warrior that He designed me to be. I am not the same.  He has chosen us all to be in that company called His children, His own.  He has chosen us, which means He will equip us and He will be with us on that journey.  We just have to get out of our own way, step out of our comfort zone, look past our fears.  My fears have always been of failure, of letting others down, of making a fool of myself.  And you know what?  I have failed, I have let others down, I have made a fool of myself.  But God even uses those things to teach me, to humble me, to reaffirm how much I need Him. 
What are your fears?  What are your excuses?  Don't tell them to me, give them to God.  As for me I'm off on an adventure!

The Hobbit, An Uexpected Journey quotes from imdb.com