I'm sitting here thinking of when I was a child. There were a lot of rough times. Scary, uncertain situations. Moments when I was unsure of my future, unsure even of the present. Having parents who were themselves messed up, using alcohol as a medication. It is far too easy for people to blame their parents for their own failures, their own shortcomings. It is easy to do that when all that is focused on are the bad things, the damaging things. But in all of life, there are bright spots also. There is always something good that can be remembered, a shining moment in the darkness.
I remember going camping and while hiking from the swimming hole back to our camper stubbing my toe as my flip flop disintegrated and ripping half my nail off. But I also remember on that trip the old man who lived a couple of spots over cutting open the watermelon he grew in a little patch. Sweet, warm melon with salt on it. Juices running my chin, my hands sticky. I remember hundreds of earwigs crawling around by the camper, but I also remember the cool refreshing swims on those hot summer days. It's all a matter of perspective. Where do we let our mind go to? Glass half empty or half full? I often joke that I see it half empty and someone spit in it. I do tend to go towards the morose, but the older I get the more I am trying to dwell on those things that bring a smile to my face. As the bible says in Philipians 4:8, "Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse." (MSG)
My handsome dad. I certainly remember all the times he drank far too much; far too often. I am sure trying to wipe away the memories of all the evil that he saw mankind do to one another. But when I look back I also remember the dad who took me trick or treating when I was young. The dad who showed me how to change the oil in his old MG, saying he was giving it a drink. The dad who took an old parachute and built me a tent in the front yard. As I get up there in years, I linger more on the thoughts that make me happy. That man had his own demons he was fighting, and as I get older and have a greater overview I see him for the complete man he was, not the man I wish he had been.
My beautiful mom. Oh she was so pretty and yet so broken. As a child how do you see that? How do you see that the person you so love and admire is damaged and just trying to do the best that they can? They say hindsight is 20/20. How true. I wish I could have seen them then as I see them now. Every rose has it's thorn, but that does not dispel it's beauty. I recently found some letters that my mom had written my dad when she was just married, and then just pregnant with me. She had so many fears, so many doubts. She wanted so badly to be a good mother, but feared that she wouldn't be. She doubted her abilities, saw only her frailties. I wish I could go back in time and let her know how much she was loved by God. That He saw it all and loved her still. There is a song out by Natalie Grant called 'Clean'. Some of the lyrics go like this...
"I see shattered
You see whole
I see broken
But You see beautiful
And You're helping me to believe
You're restoring me piece by piece"
What does God see? Does He see the ugly, the dirty, the mess? No, He sees the beautiful, the glorious, the whole. He doesn't dwell on our shortcomings, on our lack. He doesn't focus the spotlight on our faults and our deficiencies. He sees our potential, He sees what is inside waiting to burst forth. He sees what He created us to be and what sin has corrupted. He sees that sin washed away and a lovely child of God standing before Him. Oh child of God, don't just see the dirt and the filth. Don't just focus on the damaged and the destroyed. Don't look at what the enemy has used to harm you, to try to break you. Look up! Look at the God who created you, who loves you. Look at the Saviour who gave His all that you might be seen as forgiven, not as some sinful wretch. Look at all the beautiful gifts you have been given. Fill your minds with these things...
The sun shining
The birds singing
The flowers blooming
The rain coming
The children laughing
The music playing
The Father loving
The Son sacrificing
The Spirit filling
I remember going camping and while hiking from the swimming hole back to our camper stubbing my toe as my flip flop disintegrated and ripping half my nail off. But I also remember on that trip the old man who lived a couple of spots over cutting open the watermelon he grew in a little patch. Sweet, warm melon with salt on it. Juices running my chin, my hands sticky. I remember hundreds of earwigs crawling around by the camper, but I also remember the cool refreshing swims on those hot summer days. It's all a matter of perspective. Where do we let our mind go to? Glass half empty or half full? I often joke that I see it half empty and someone spit in it. I do tend to go towards the morose, but the older I get the more I am trying to dwell on those things that bring a smile to my face. As the bible says in Philipians 4:8, "Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse." (MSG)
My handsome dad. I certainly remember all the times he drank far too much; far too often. I am sure trying to wipe away the memories of all the evil that he saw mankind do to one another. But when I look back I also remember the dad who took me trick or treating when I was young. The dad who showed me how to change the oil in his old MG, saying he was giving it a drink. The dad who took an old parachute and built me a tent in the front yard. As I get up there in years, I linger more on the thoughts that make me happy. That man had his own demons he was fighting, and as I get older and have a greater overview I see him for the complete man he was, not the man I wish he had been.
My beautiful mom. Oh she was so pretty and yet so broken. As a child how do you see that? How do you see that the person you so love and admire is damaged and just trying to do the best that they can? They say hindsight is 20/20. How true. I wish I could have seen them then as I see them now. Every rose has it's thorn, but that does not dispel it's beauty. I recently found some letters that my mom had written my dad when she was just married, and then just pregnant with me. She had so many fears, so many doubts. She wanted so badly to be a good mother, but feared that she wouldn't be. She doubted her abilities, saw only her frailties. I wish I could go back in time and let her know how much she was loved by God. That He saw it all and loved her still. There is a song out by Natalie Grant called 'Clean'. Some of the lyrics go like this...
"I see shattered
You see whole
I see broken
But You see beautiful
And You're helping me to believe
You're restoring me piece by piece"
What does God see? Does He see the ugly, the dirty, the mess? No, He sees the beautiful, the glorious, the whole. He doesn't dwell on our shortcomings, on our lack. He doesn't focus the spotlight on our faults and our deficiencies. He sees our potential, He sees what is inside waiting to burst forth. He sees what He created us to be and what sin has corrupted. He sees that sin washed away and a lovely child of God standing before Him. Oh child of God, don't just see the dirt and the filth. Don't just focus on the damaged and the destroyed. Don't look at what the enemy has used to harm you, to try to break you. Look up! Look at the God who created you, who loves you. Look at the Saviour who gave His all that you might be seen as forgiven, not as some sinful wretch. Look at all the beautiful gifts you have been given. Fill your minds with these things...
The sun shining
The birds singing
The flowers blooming
The rain coming
The children laughing
The music playing
The Father loving
The Son sacrificing
The Spirit filling